My Father passed away this past Sunday, peacefully in his sleep. He has been in a nursing home for the past four years with Alzheimer's.. He would have been 93 in November. He was a War Hero and a wonderful Father.
A family friend and fellow Marine wrote an incredible tribute to Dad and I re-posted it on my my other blog.
I will be taking a break for a few weeks. I will be traveling to California to be with my family and spend some time with my Mom.
Thank you so much for the kind emails I have already received...
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Power Jam: Super Hero...
This Poetry Jam challenge, hosted by Brian Miller (his blog WaystionOne), is to write about Super Heroes.
My Mom is my Super Hero.
She dared to go where she had never been
and sailed way past her comfort zones
She married young, totally unprepared,
during WW II
She learned "on the fly" how to be a Military wife,
to cook and become a Mother
an only child, she had seven of her own
She suffered the death of one of her sons
only 48 hours after his birth
She led by example and strong beliefs
yet always willing to listen and discuss anything
encouraging us to have our own opinions
we are very much alike emotionally
so we butted our stubborn, hard heads a lot
each of us always knew
she was there for us
She may not have been able to solve
our problems, but she was in our corner
offering suggestions and supporting us
She taught me to be my own person
She taught me to listen to my gut
She taught me not to do anything
I would not want seen
on the front page of a newspaper
being hard headed
I still pushed the envelope
and made my mistakes
yet I always knew she was there
if nothing more than
reminding me... it was a good life lesson.
She taught me to stand up
for what is right
and for what is wrong
often we had differences
of opinions-- but we could talk about it
and agree to disagree
She taught me to love my country
to be proud of our heritage
to do for others so I would not
dwell on myself
She demonstrated the importance
of keeping one's word
showing up on time,
with the commitment to finish what we started
She did not miss work
and worked so hard she would
fall asleep in the chair with her purse on her lap
taking a "cat nap" before cooking dinner
She wants to learn and be informed
She reads the complete newspaper
and does crossword puzzles in ten minutes flat
She knows her way around a computer, iPad
and smart phone.
She has faced the majority of her fears
but has not yet learned how to swim
while still raising school age children
she took a job when Dad did not earn enough
She could budget, save and stretch money
teaching us always to meet our
responsibilities first, which
gave us time to decide
how important
something really was
that we thought we wanted
today she celebrates 68 years of marriage
Dad has been in a nursing home
for the past four years
prior to his admission
she was his caregiver for over ten years
and earning a living for both of them
She just retired three years ago
working to the age of 83
She still lives in the two story home
where we were raised
She is still independent
She rarely calls for help
She does not interfere
and gives her love and wisdom
honestly without expectations
Super Heroes sound good
look good
depend on TV and movies--
I'll take the real,
human
dependable type...
Super Heroes sound good
look good
depend on TV and movies--
I'll take the real,
human
dependable type...
She's my Mom
my friend
I love her
respect her
and am so proud to be
her Daughter
`©dkb
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Thinking of My Dad...
My Dad is not doing well.
He has Alzheimer's and will be 93 this coming November. He has been losing weight rapidly since the beginning of the year. He weighs 116 pounds as of last Sunday. He has a huge skin cancer growth on his left pinkie toe the size of a child's football which we suspect is why is WBC is rising. His right eye is closed due to skin cancer, he has a fifty-cent sized melanoma on his left temple and another skin cancer on his upper lip.
He has poor circulation in his legs so the antibiotics don't help much...he has heart trouble, thyroid issues, rheumatoid arthritis in his hands and joints...and the list goes on. He is under Hospice care due to "failure to thrive".
He has been less and less responsive on our family visits as if he is too tired to be excited. He has always had a excellent, voracious appetite, but even that has been waining. He speaks so softly it is difficult to hear him. I think he is ready and preparing to go...
My brother from Ohio flew into California last Monday. I was suppose to leave Nevada Tuesday, then today, but needed more time to get myself emotionally prepared. I will leave early tomorrow morning...my four brothers, sister, Mom and I will all gather around Dad on Father's Day. Afterwards, we'll go over to my sister Holly's for food and reflection.
My brother has been visiting with Dad every day this week, reading the Bible to Dad, who seems to be soaking it all up and receiving comfort.
Dad has been in the nursing home four years the 22nd of this month. My husband's Mother also had Alzheimer's and after her husband died at 90, she died at 93, four years and five days after him. She had no health issues, it was all the Alzheimer's.
My suitcase is packed and my dog Izzy knows "something is up". She will be staying home with my husband. I plan on coming home next Monday, the 17th.
No matter how much I prepare...I cannot settle into the thought of losing Dad, despite feeling like I lost him several years ago when he was claimed by this insidious disease...it still doesn't make it any easier. I know he will leave us. I know I will feel relief knowing none of his medical issues will get the opportunity to get worse...He never complains of pain, but how can we be sure he isn't in pain and just unable to express it?
I'm so thankful we had him for so long. I have enjoyed him for 66 years and feel very blessed to have had him for my Father. I feel no regrets. Dad and I have always had a very close, bonded relationship. I am his firstborn and am named after Dad and his Mother. I believe the heavenly chariot will come for him and take him up to heaven where he will be reunited with our other family members, family friends and family pets. I am at peace with it and have put Dad in the hands of our Lord.
It is the circle of life and we all take our turn....We have come close to thinking Dad would leave this last year...putting him with Hospice last August; but he surprised us and bounced back with new energy. This time is very different. We all see him slowing way down. He seems so very tired. The weight loss and lack of appetite sure indicate a big downturn...May God comfort you Dad and allow your exit to be a peaceful one...I love you.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
An Explanation...
A lot has been going on over here at our house....now that the flooring project is put to bed and most of the stuff we are keeping is back in the house and the rest will eventually be donated...
We had our son (my step-son) graduate from Marine Boot Camp July 20th so we were down in San Diego for that. OH WHAT A TRANSFORMATION in him! Not only the 20 pounds of muscle he gained, but so much more affectionate, outgoing, un-filtered and talkative... We could not be more proud! We had a huge group of 28 eating lunch afterward, all the young Marines in their dress blues made quite a positive commotion! The way they conduct themselves while in uniform and just the way they stand at rest...so impressive!
We also went to a family BBQ on Saturday at another of my husband's son's home in Irvine and spent the night visiting, catching up, eating and swimming...very nice. Sunday we went to an Angel/Ranger game with the Irvine family and another son's family from Nevada.
Last Wednesday, our Marine and his sister came to visit to bring us pictures and spend the night going out on the town....VEGAS STYLE...after a big breakfast, they drove back to CA on Thursday as the Marine had uniform inspection on Friday.
He left the 31st for Combat training at Pendleton for a month, then has a ten minute ceremony and gets on the bus to the airport and flies to Virginia. He is still under background check, but he suppose to be assigned to Intel.
In between all of that, I have this lump, this hitch hiker on my right elbow. To give you the short version of this saga, I chose not to have the MRI and have elected to have the surgeon aspirate the lump today in his office at 2:40pm to see if he can determine if it is benign...either a ganglion cyst or a fat filled cyst....so keep your fingers crossed and keep saying those prayers!
Just before we left for CA, our big, huge picture window in our great room suddenly cracked during two days of thunder storms. Had to replace that when we returned... to the tune of $467....
My Dad is 92, a Marine veteran from the battle of Tarawa and he is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's/Dementia. I am his advocate and keep track of his medication and medical issues and communicate it to my family. Lately, he has really slowed down and has circulation issues in his legs which is causing problems with his left foot, complicated by an infection around skin cancer on his baby toe. His doctor has talked of amputation but putting such a patient under general anesthesia is usually not recommended.
Seven years ago, my Mother in law was heavily sedated for a CT SCAN because she also had Alzheimer's and could not hold still for the test. They needed to determine why she kept falling, other than the falling, she was perfectly healthy. She was a total zombie after waking from the sedation. She never recovered, went down hill and died two months later.
Lately, Dad's doctor and I have been communicated via email and we have been discussing Hospice for Dad. I spoke with the hospice expert this morning and sent out an email to my family. Having a brief experience with hospice with my mother in law, I see them as Angels on earth...both my husband and I wished we had called them much sooner. Their support was so meaningful and valuable.
If anyone out there does not know, hospice does not mean impending death or that the patient is expected to die in 6 months. Often that is the main criteria for most hospice patients, but many stay on hospice for 18 months to two years and some even come off hospice they are doing so well...often with Alzheimer's patients! Hospice is all about dignity, comfort, and support for the patient. I highly recommend a hospice team to increase visitation and positive relationships for your loved ones.
We will be discussing hospice as a family, but my vote is to bring in hospice for Dad...he deserves only the best...
When I can stay awake and home, I am tuned into the Olympics.... Isn't it incredible??? I am rooting for Michael Phelps. Hurray for the Fab Five! We are neck and neck with China...
Anyway, that has what I have been doing and why I have not been blogging as often...I've had a lot on my plate. I have also been feeling highly emotional and cry at the drop of a hat....which turns out is very exhausting because I keep finding myself awaking stiff necked from falling asleep in my rose recliner....
We had our son (my step-son) graduate from Marine Boot Camp July 20th so we were down in San Diego for that. OH WHAT A TRANSFORMATION in him! Not only the 20 pounds of muscle he gained, but so much more affectionate, outgoing, un-filtered and talkative... We could not be more proud! We had a huge group of 28 eating lunch afterward, all the young Marines in their dress blues made quite a positive commotion! The way they conduct themselves while in uniform and just the way they stand at rest...so impressive!
We also went to a family BBQ on Saturday at another of my husband's son's home in Irvine and spent the night visiting, catching up, eating and swimming...very nice. Sunday we went to an Angel/Ranger game with the Irvine family and another son's family from Nevada.
Last Wednesday, our Marine and his sister came to visit to bring us pictures and spend the night going out on the town....VEGAS STYLE...after a big breakfast, they drove back to CA on Thursday as the Marine had uniform inspection on Friday.
He left the 31st for Combat training at Pendleton for a month, then has a ten minute ceremony and gets on the bus to the airport and flies to Virginia. He is still under background check, but he suppose to be assigned to Intel.
In between all of that, I have this lump, this hitch hiker on my right elbow. To give you the short version of this saga, I chose not to have the MRI and have elected to have the surgeon aspirate the lump today in his office at 2:40pm to see if he can determine if it is benign...either a ganglion cyst or a fat filled cyst....so keep your fingers crossed and keep saying those prayers!
Just before we left for CA, our big, huge picture window in our great room suddenly cracked during two days of thunder storms. Had to replace that when we returned... to the tune of $467....
My Dad is 92, a Marine veteran from the battle of Tarawa and he is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's/Dementia. I am his advocate and keep track of his medication and medical issues and communicate it to my family. Lately, he has really slowed down and has circulation issues in his legs which is causing problems with his left foot, complicated by an infection around skin cancer on his baby toe. His doctor has talked of amputation but putting such a patient under general anesthesia is usually not recommended.
Seven years ago, my Mother in law was heavily sedated for a CT SCAN because she also had Alzheimer's and could not hold still for the test. They needed to determine why she kept falling, other than the falling, she was perfectly healthy. She was a total zombie after waking from the sedation. She never recovered, went down hill and died two months later.
Lately, Dad's doctor and I have been communicated via email and we have been discussing Hospice for Dad. I spoke with the hospice expert this morning and sent out an email to my family. Having a brief experience with hospice with my mother in law, I see them as Angels on earth...both my husband and I wished we had called them much sooner. Their support was so meaningful and valuable.
If anyone out there does not know, hospice does not mean impending death or that the patient is expected to die in 6 months. Often that is the main criteria for most hospice patients, but many stay on hospice for 18 months to two years and some even come off hospice they are doing so well...often with Alzheimer's patients! Hospice is all about dignity, comfort, and support for the patient. I highly recommend a hospice team to increase visitation and positive relationships for your loved ones.
We will be discussing hospice as a family, but my vote is to bring in hospice for Dad...he deserves only the best...
When I can stay awake and home, I am tuned into the Olympics.... Isn't it incredible??? I am rooting for Michael Phelps. Hurray for the Fab Five! We are neck and neck with China...
Anyway, that has what I have been doing and why I have not been blogging as often...I've had a lot on my plate. I have also been feeling highly emotional and cry at the drop of a hat....which turns out is very exhausting because I keep finding myself awaking stiff necked from falling asleep in my rose recliner....
Friday, September 23, 2011
Random Acts of Kindness...
Two days ago, we learned my husband's ex-wife died. Her funeral will be Sunday, October 2nd in Thousand Oaks, CA. She was a wonderful, loving and giving woman. She and I became friends and I cannot believe at 68, she is gone...
We leave Monday for Tucson to visit good friends of ours. We have really been looking forward to this trip. We will spend five days with our friends, then leave the 1st of October, and drive from Tucson, Arizona to Thousand Oaks. We will stay with one of my husband's best friends, who live there, and attend the funeral on Sunday. We should be home on Monday...
In her honor, I intend to do random acts of kindness for 68 days. She was a daughter, a sister, a mother, a step mother to three little boys, a grand mother, a friend to many, a caregiver, a registered nurse and always, always, always, thought of others first. She was a gifted woman with many talents in flower arranging, sewing, decorating, gardening, crafts, cooking and making a house into a beautiful home. She loved to shop at Coldwater Creek, taking pride in her appearance. She looked so stylish each time I saw her.
Her family was her pride and joy. When we were together, her face would light up as we shared stories of our mutual grand children. She loved to laugh, looking for the humor in everything...She enjoyed making special gifts for the grand kids and always remembered each of their birthdays. She loved animals and the elderly. She volunteered her time to help the elderly who were unable to pay for the excellent care she gave so generously.
She was a survivor and a warrior. She fought hard times and huge emotional challenges. I have tremendous admiration and respect for her...
Rest in peace dear friend...you were loved and you will be remembered.
We leave Monday for Tucson to visit good friends of ours. We have really been looking forward to this trip. We will spend five days with our friends, then leave the 1st of October, and drive from Tucson, Arizona to Thousand Oaks. We will stay with one of my husband's best friends, who live there, and attend the funeral on Sunday. We should be home on Monday...
In her honor, I intend to do random acts of kindness for 68 days. She was a daughter, a sister, a mother, a step mother to three little boys, a grand mother, a friend to many, a caregiver, a registered nurse and always, always, always, thought of others first. She was a gifted woman with many talents in flower arranging, sewing, decorating, gardening, crafts, cooking and making a house into a beautiful home. She loved to shop at Coldwater Creek, taking pride in her appearance. She looked so stylish each time I saw her.
Her family was her pride and joy. When we were together, her face would light up as we shared stories of our mutual grand children. She loved to laugh, looking for the humor in everything...She enjoyed making special gifts for the grand kids and always remembered each of their birthdays. She loved animals and the elderly. She volunteered her time to help the elderly who were unable to pay for the excellent care she gave so generously.
She was a survivor and a warrior. She fought hard times and huge emotional challenges. I have tremendous admiration and respect for her...
Rest in peace dear friend...you were loved and you will be remembered.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Marine Has Landed...
I will taking a break for a couple of weeks. My step-son joined the Marines and flew in today for a five day visit. He was told to "be ready" any time between October and January to leave for boot camp. The first two weeks, he is not allowed any contact with the outside world. After the two weeks, he can receive letters.
We don't know if he will be here for Christmas so we want to enjoy our time with him before he leaves. He will celebrate his 21st birthday this April. If he has leave, he said he would want to come back to celebrate with us.
What a difference already. He no longer eats "junk food" or carbs, soda, or chips. The Marines require him to do PT twice a week and test once a month. He works out six times per week "for his own preservation". His spiky, stylish hair is all shaved to a "1". He still looks so handsome...
The end of the week, we will all travel together to California to celebrate Jacob's first birthday. Jacob has four teeth on the top and four on the bottom now, cutting some other ones. Still has peach fuzz on his head, but he walking! Where the heck did this past year go???
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Remembering Precious Times...
painted by artist Joyce Sloan
This watercolor hangs in my guest bedroom. I bought it years ago because the two girls looked so much like my two daughters, Holly and Jodee. Often, I look at it going back in time when the girls were young and I was filled with purpose. An abundance of determination to help them become all they wanted to be...
It was financially challenging being a single mom but I loved every minute raising my precious girls...
It's all I ever wanted to be was a good mother...
Now, I am blessed to be a grandmother... Holly has two sons and Jodee's son will be soon be one year old this month. Both are devoted, loving moms...
Knowing my daughters are living this parental adventure with their spouses raising up their sons together
helping them become all they can be gives me a happy heart.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
What's Been Goin' On...
Hello dear blogging friends...just a quick update to check in and let you know what has been going on in our house...
My cell phone died the day before I was to pick up my girlfriend Jan, visiting from Missouri, at the airport. I had to order a new one, and in my haste to hurry up and order one to get it delivered the next day, I dove deep into BUYER'S REMORSE...
Received the new Samsung Revolution the next day, and turned it back in Saturday, unopened. Traded it for a special offer on a Samsung Continuum, which is just like the Samsung Fascinate, only skinnier and has a ticker display on the bottom of the screen. So far, I really like it. My first "smart phone".
Two days after Jan arrived, my sister Holly, girlfriend Bonnie arrived for another Creative weekend. They drove straight to Barb's house and Jan and I met them there, after we spent three hours at the Verizon store getting my new phone...
Had a blast with all the girls...we went to the MGM and saw the baby lions. Holly and I had our picture taken with 60lb "Buddy". We also went to the Bellagio Conservatory and took pictures of the latest display. Here are a few pictures below...
My sister and Bonnie left Tuesday the 25th of July and Jan left at the end of the month on the 29th.
My husband's friend arrived the evening of the 29th to stay the weekend to celebrate his 70th birthday. We had a family BBQ on Saturday night. He drove home Monday morning. My husband's son was in town on business, so he stopped by two nights to visit and join in on the birthday celebrations...
My Mom and Dad celebrated their 66th wedding anniversary on August 4th. Dad is in a nursing home and Mom has been down with a sore back since April...Dad will be 91 in November and Mom is 84.
Friday, August 5th, 12 of our family caravaned up to Mammoth Lakes, CA for the weekend. Eight adults and six teenagers. We met our friends at the Mammoth house. What a great time we had! The house was incredible! Being among all the pine trees, sitting out on that deck enjoying nature was a masterful, soulful experience. Lots of good food and laughter...
My cell phone died the day before I was to pick up my girlfriend Jan, visiting from Missouri, at the airport. I had to order a new one, and in my haste to hurry up and order one to get it delivered the next day, I dove deep into BUYER'S REMORSE...
Received the new Samsung Revolution the next day, and turned it back in Saturday, unopened. Traded it for a special offer on a Samsung Continuum, which is just like the Samsung Fascinate, only skinnier and has a ticker display on the bottom of the screen. So far, I really like it. My first "smart phone".
Two days after Jan arrived, my sister Holly, girlfriend Bonnie arrived for another Creative weekend. They drove straight to Barb's house and Jan and I met them there, after we spent three hours at the Verizon store getting my new phone...
Had a blast with all the girls...we went to the MGM and saw the baby lions. Holly and I had our picture taken with 60lb "Buddy". We also went to the Bellagio Conservatory and took pictures of the latest display. Here are a few pictures below...
Buddy, who was fed ground up meat in a bottle in between pics to keep him happy.
Handlers inside the Lion enclosure...
Handler watching as Lion gnaws on plastic ball... (see all the teeth marks?)
These guys are either crazy or very vulnerable...
Pictures below are from the Bellagio Conservatory...
Made of flowers
Parrots inside the bird sanctuary
Koi fish in a pond
Barbs, me, Jan, my sister Holly and Bonnie
We collaborated on our laptops....(did a lot of admiring on Pinterest)
We took pictures of clouds...(can you see the horse?)
We took pictures of sunsets...
We posed for pictures...to imitate a poster...
We designed cups, baked them, but forgot to seal them...so some of us lost our design when we put it in the dishwasher...
We made apple crisp to go in small jars
We made lanterns with coarse salt and votive candles to hang on fences or tree branches...
We mixed colors and made scented bath salts
My husband's friend arrived the evening of the 29th to stay the weekend to celebrate his 70th birthday. We had a family BBQ on Saturday night. He drove home Monday morning. My husband's son was in town on business, so he stopped by two nights to visit and join in on the birthday celebrations...
My Mom and Dad celebrated their 66th wedding anniversary on August 4th. Dad is in a nursing home and Mom has been down with a sore back since April...Dad will be 91 in November and Mom is 84.
Friday, August 5th, 12 of our family caravaned up to Mammoth Lakes, CA for the weekend. Eight adults and six teenagers. We met our friends at the Mammoth house. What a great time we had! The house was incredible! Being among all the pine trees, sitting out on that deck enjoying nature was a masterful, soulful experience. Lots of good food and laughter...
View from the front window...
From the back balcony...
Fishing up at Mary's Lake...
Up the hill, looking down on the family fishing...
Several of us looking at our pictures on the kitchen table...
No great weekend is complete, without Smores...cooked on the back balcony
We also went to Twin Lakes, June Lake, Convict Lake (had a nice dinner there too) and Silver Lake. Everyone except for our friends Ray and Lana, Jerry and I, went to Yosemite on Sunday. They had a great day except for a controlled brush fire, which make their pictures kind of smokey...
We got home Monday in the early afternoon and picked up Izzy from boarding. I have been busy doing laundry and getting unpacked.
Yesterday, the nursing home called. Dad was taken to the hospital for some tests as he had been throwing up. By 5pm, they determined he was fine...only his potassium was a little elevated. We think he over ate for breakfast. Apparently he ate a big breakfast and then asked for a large fruit plate...
This weekend we will relax and take it easy. Next week, my youngest daughter Jodee, her honey Jeff and son, baby Jacob, will be in town. She is here on business, so Jeff will come visit with Jacob during the day. We will meet them at their hotel for dinner a couple of nights...I will watch the baby while they go out for a few hours. I cannot believe Jacob will be one year old next month!
I hope to attempt to catch up and visit some blogs this weekend...big hugs to you all!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
The Agony and the Ecstacy...
My visit to California started off pretty rough, traveling with my sore back...by the time I arrived at Mom's on Wednesday, I was not only in more agony with my back, but exhausted from lack of sleep. I was feeling pretty grouchy...
I had a lot of problems with the Internet at Mom's house... Most of my what happened during my visit is written on my other blog, Mystical Journeys.
Mom suggested I drink some of her Joint Juice...I had been using the Icy Hot Packs, heat packs and ice packs and nothing was working... The Joint Juice has 1500 mg of Glucosamine HCI and 200 mg of Chondroitin Sulfate, along with 400 IU of Vitamin D3 and 60 mg of Vitamin C. One 8 oz bottle has 25 calories, but the Cran-Pomegranate flavor is very tasty. It makes me fart like a motor boat, but having one a day for three days, by Friday, I was not having any pain or discomfort in my back! I am beginning to think I have some arthritis in my back...and plan on asking my doc to check me out in that regard...
Mom said my brother K____ started taking it for his knees (years of basket ball) and he has not had any complaints. Speaking of my brother K____.... He and his wife came by to visit with Mom and I Saturday night. He noticed my CPAP machine set up on the coffee table (because I was sleeping on the living room couch) and asked to try it on....
He disturbs his poor wife's sleep nightly. She is a light sleeper, so she is in the same situation as my husband used to be. His wife told him he stops breathing and needs to go to his doctor. He had told her he would not wear one of those masks...
I donned the head gear and turned on the machine.... "You look like Hannibal Lecture", he joked..."You really look like a dork... Let me try it on..."
I tried to explain he needs to go to a sleep study to determine the air pressure he needs. It will probably be different from my pressure....besides, I did not want his hairy nose on my nasal pillows... He was intrigued with the nasal pillows instead of the mask and again, insisted on trying it on...
K____ could be a stand up comedian. He even resembles Robin Williams...he can make you laugh without even trying... I attempted to be serious and give him the specifics of the machine and the importance of a sleep study... "Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on sis, let me try it..."
So I did. He pulls it over his head before he realizes the air flow is on full force.... I thought about telling him, knowing I could reduce the flow by clicking the arrow button... but stopped myself... He was making wise cracks and not listening...so I let him experience it full force! He could not talk because the air gushed out his mouth, making him lose his breath and sputter...
I took the opportunity to tell him TO SHUT HIS MOUTH! This made his wife crack up, "Good luck with getting him to do that!" she giggled... His daughter had told him I slept as quiet as a mouse sleeping on the couch when she left the house for nursing classes early in the morning... she stood smirking with her arms folded, enjoying her father's comedic commotion. Gasping for breath in high squeals, Mom was preparing to wet her pants yet again.... "It'll come out my a--s.." he managed before he shut his mouth like I told him...
"BREATHE THROUGH YOUR NOSE!" I wheezed through my own convulsions of merriment.... (I have always been partial to his perverted humor... he gets it from Mom, that's why she finds him so hysterical.)
Suddenly, there was silence...he actually listened to me and was breathing through his nose. He had been convinced he could not breathe with just his nose because he thought he snored with his mouth open. I had demonstrated how loudly I snored with JUST MY NOSTRILS...and he could not believe it.
I had told him before I got the CPAP machine, I always had a stuffy nose and irritating tickle cough at night. I often would make a tent over my head with the sheet, breathing into it making it more moist to breathe and consequently make it easier to sleep. He admitted he did the same thing...
Amazed, he removed the head gear and announced he was going to go to a sleep study and get a CPAP for himself. He said it was surprisingly comfortable and easier to breathe.
I cherish time with my family...it reminds me of all those lean years growing up when we filled the days entertaining ourselves with our humor and imaginations... This was a great visit...and an exceptionally fun visit with my Mom... we had the BEST time... I love you Mom...
I had a lot of problems with the Internet at Mom's house... Most of my what happened during my visit is written on my other blog, Mystical Journeys.
Mom suggested I drink some of her Joint Juice...I had been using the Icy Hot Packs, heat packs and ice packs and nothing was working... The Joint Juice has 1500 mg of Glucosamine HCI and 200 mg of Chondroitin Sulfate, along with 400 IU of Vitamin D3 and 60 mg of Vitamin C. One 8 oz bottle has 25 calories, but the Cran-Pomegranate flavor is very tasty. It makes me fart like a motor boat, but having one a day for three days, by Friday, I was not having any pain or discomfort in my back! I am beginning to think I have some arthritis in my back...and plan on asking my doc to check me out in that regard...
Mom said my brother K____ started taking it for his knees (years of basket ball) and he has not had any complaints. Speaking of my brother K____.... He and his wife came by to visit with Mom and I Saturday night. He noticed my CPAP machine set up on the coffee table (because I was sleeping on the living room couch) and asked to try it on....
He disturbs his poor wife's sleep nightly. She is a light sleeper, so she is in the same situation as my husband used to be. His wife told him he stops breathing and needs to go to his doctor. He had told her he would not wear one of those masks...
I donned the head gear and turned on the machine.... "You look like Hannibal Lecture", he joked..."You really look like a dork... Let me try it on..."
I tried to explain he needs to go to a sleep study to determine the air pressure he needs. It will probably be different from my pressure....besides, I did not want his hairy nose on my nasal pillows... He was intrigued with the nasal pillows instead of the mask and again, insisted on trying it on...
K____ could be a stand up comedian. He even resembles Robin Williams...he can make you laugh without even trying... I attempted to be serious and give him the specifics of the machine and the importance of a sleep study... "Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on sis, let me try it..."
So I did. He pulls it over his head before he realizes the air flow is on full force.... I thought about telling him, knowing I could reduce the flow by clicking the arrow button... but stopped myself... He was making wise cracks and not listening...so I let him experience it full force! He could not talk because the air gushed out his mouth, making him lose his breath and sputter...
I took the opportunity to tell him TO SHUT HIS MOUTH! This made his wife crack up, "Good luck with getting him to do that!" she giggled... His daughter had told him I slept as quiet as a mouse sleeping on the couch when she left the house for nursing classes early in the morning... she stood smirking with her arms folded, enjoying her father's comedic commotion. Gasping for breath in high squeals, Mom was preparing to wet her pants yet again.... "It'll come out my a--s.." he managed before he shut his mouth like I told him...
"BREATHE THROUGH YOUR NOSE!" I wheezed through my own convulsions of merriment.... (I have always been partial to his perverted humor... he gets it from Mom, that's why she finds him so hysterical.)
Suddenly, there was silence...he actually listened to me and was breathing through his nose. He had been convinced he could not breathe with just his nose because he thought he snored with his mouth open. I had demonstrated how loudly I snored with JUST MY NOSTRILS...and he could not believe it.
I had told him before I got the CPAP machine, I always had a stuffy nose and irritating tickle cough at night. I often would make a tent over my head with the sheet, breathing into it making it more moist to breathe and consequently make it easier to sleep. He admitted he did the same thing...
Amazed, he removed the head gear and announced he was going to go to a sleep study and get a CPAP for himself. He said it was surprisingly comfortable and easier to breathe.
I cherish time with my family...it reminds me of all those lean years growing up when we filled the days entertaining ourselves with our humor and imaginations... This was a great visit...and an exceptionally fun visit with my Mom... we had the BEST time... I love you Mom...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Goldilocks....
I had some creative thoughts whirling about in my head...but I did not sleep well last night, so those thoughts have vanished into the air... My back is still bothering me from last Tuesday when I pulled a muscle during my steroid inspired turbo energy boost....
I spent the night at my daughter's house after they left on vacation. I had spent a nice day yesterday with two of my girlfriends... I was so preoccupied in chatting with my girlfriend, I forgot to request romaine lettuce for my salad, instead, getting iceberg. Since getting older, iceberg just does not digest right in my geriatric system.... I spent the remainder of the day feeling bloated and gassy.
I have been looking forward to sleeping in my daughter's bed, instead of the couch in the living room... but I did not know their pet snake "Pike" (who used to be in its cage in the garage), is now in the corner of their bedroom... I told myself I would be fine. (I hate snakes...they give me the CREEPS!), I waited until I felt heavy lidded and tucked myself in....
I sleep with my CPAP machine, which has a plastic hose.... as I flipped flopped in their bed, in a fit of nightmares about snakes, sore muscles, unable to get into a comfortable position, I would touch the tubing in my sleep and jolt awake thinking it was the snake getting out of its cage....
I was like Goldilocks in the story of The Three Bears.... I went from their bed, to my grand sons beds, to the couch, and hardly slept a wink all night. Finally at 5am I got up and took a hot shower. Still aching, I tried the ice pack and the heat pack... drank some Instant Breakfast so I could take a Motrin, and ended up falling asleep for an hour before being awakened again by my discomfort...
I plan on heading over to Mom's house today, but thought I would try to get SOME sleep so I wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel driving to her house! No luck. Guess I better pack up and load the car slowly and cautiously...it is better I get to mom's house and have some company....
Friday, June 10, 2011
Went To Urgent Care Last Night...
Last night, my injection site from my Shingles vaccine on June 7th, was three inches in diameter, hot, red, swollen and ITCHY!!! I called my primary care physician and he told me it sounded like my arm was either infected or I was having an allergic reaction to the vaccine. He strongly suggested I go down to Urgent Care.
I did, and again, I was so impressed with new health insurance. They put a wrist band on wrists of all people coming in for treatment, so less chance of mix ups. I did not wait longer than five minutes before I was called into a room with a nurse. She took my temp, my blood pressure, my history and wrote down my reason for coming in.
She had me return to the waiting room, and before I could finish telling my husband what she did, she called me to see the doctor. A young woman doctor came in and greeted me, and asked to see my arm. She confirmed I was having an allergic reaction. It appears I am allergic to Neosporin and Latex.
She advised me to continue the ice packs, to take Benadryl at night, use Benadryl cream during the day. When I told her I was leaving on a trip to California on Monday, she suggested Prednisone 20mg twice a day in the am, for five days to "trick" my body from having an allergic reaction and to stop the itching...She told me to make sure and take it first thing in the morning with food as it may make me feel a little "jittery".
WHOA! I feel like I could lift a car!! I have been going like a house afire all day...cleaning out my master closet, getting donations bags ready, doing laundry, emailing, blogging, cleaning out cupboards and drawers, fixed my neighbors printer, took Izzy on a loooooonnnnng walk.... WHOO-HOOOOO! I can see why athletes like to take this stuff!! I feel like I am 20 years old!!
I will be taking this little "energy boosters" until Wednesday... My oldest daughter always complains I wear myself out and poop out too early....I called and prepared her for "the turbo version" of her Mother to visit her on Monday...in fact, I called my younger daughter to bring Jacob and come join us!! Tuesday, I will spend the day with my older daughter, and I plan to WEAR HER OUT for a change! Wednesday, my last day on the steroids, my daughter and her family leave for vacation.
I had planned on meeting two of my girlfriends, one on Wednesday and one on Thursday night...NOW, today, I called and rearranged our visits so I can meet one during the day for lunch and one at night for dinner.
Thursday I will head over to my Mom's. She visits Dad on Thursdays, so I will get to see my Dad twice while I am there! Mom turns 84 on the 21st, but she has plans with several of her friends, so we will celebrate all day on Saturday. She called me today and is having computer problems, so I will see if I can help her Thursday and Friday, then Friday night I will spend the night with my sister, and back to Mom's on Saturday morning. My sister is off to the Irish Festival with her husband, son, daughter in law and their in laws. Hopefully, she will get home early enough to join
Mom and I are Mom's celebration dinner.
Sunday, is Father's Day, and after wards, we will all go out to lunch and celebrate my younger brother's birthday, my birthday, and Mom's birthday and just enjoy one another and laugh....
Monday I will spend with my youngest daughter Jodee and little Jacob. She is taking me to Olive Garden to celebrate my birthday. Fun, fun, fun...can't wait!! She is having Jacob's pictures taken professionally, so I will meet her there and help her keep him smiling...and then after we will go to lunch...
Tuesday, I return home... (What a jabber box!) I have so much energy... I LOVE this stuff!!!
I did, and again, I was so impressed with new health insurance. They put a wrist band on wrists of all people coming in for treatment, so less chance of mix ups. I did not wait longer than five minutes before I was called into a room with a nurse. She took my temp, my blood pressure, my history and wrote down my reason for coming in.
She had me return to the waiting room, and before I could finish telling my husband what she did, she called me to see the doctor. A young woman doctor came in and greeted me, and asked to see my arm. She confirmed I was having an allergic reaction. It appears I am allergic to Neosporin and Latex.
She advised me to continue the ice packs, to take Benadryl at night, use Benadryl cream during the day. When I told her I was leaving on a trip to California on Monday, she suggested Prednisone 20mg twice a day in the am, for five days to "trick" my body from having an allergic reaction and to stop the itching...She told me to make sure and take it first thing in the morning with food as it may make me feel a little "jittery".
WHOA! I feel like I could lift a car!! I have been going like a house afire all day...cleaning out my master closet, getting donations bags ready, doing laundry, emailing, blogging, cleaning out cupboards and drawers, fixed my neighbors printer, took Izzy on a loooooonnnnng walk.... WHOO-HOOOOO! I can see why athletes like to take this stuff!! I feel like I am 20 years old!!
I will be taking this little "energy boosters" until Wednesday... My oldest daughter always complains I wear myself out and poop out too early....I called and prepared her for "the turbo version" of her Mother to visit her on Monday...in fact, I called my younger daughter to bring Jacob and come join us!! Tuesday, I will spend the day with my older daughter, and I plan to WEAR HER OUT for a change! Wednesday, my last day on the steroids, my daughter and her family leave for vacation.
I had planned on meeting two of my girlfriends, one on Wednesday and one on Thursday night...NOW, today, I called and rearranged our visits so I can meet one during the day for lunch and one at night for dinner.
Thursday I will head over to my Mom's. She visits Dad on Thursdays, so I will get to see my Dad twice while I am there! Mom turns 84 on the 21st, but she has plans with several of her friends, so we will celebrate all day on Saturday. She called me today and is having computer problems, so I will see if I can help her Thursday and Friday, then Friday night I will spend the night with my sister, and back to Mom's on Saturday morning. My sister is off to the Irish Festival with her husband, son, daughter in law and their in laws. Hopefully, she will get home early enough to join
Mom and I are Mom's celebration dinner.
Sunday, is Father's Day, and after wards, we will all go out to lunch and celebrate my younger brother's birthday, my birthday, and Mom's birthday and just enjoy one another and laugh....
Monday I will spend with my youngest daughter Jodee and little Jacob. She is taking me to Olive Garden to celebrate my birthday. Fun, fun, fun...can't wait!! She is having Jacob's pictures taken professionally, so I will meet her there and help her keep him smiling...and then after we will go to lunch...
Tuesday, I return home... (What a jabber box!) I have so much energy... I LOVE this stuff!!!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Batten Down The Hatches....
We have been having weather reports of possible storm this weekend...with high winds...I needed some new writing pens...(I am a freak for a particular nib on my pens...I prefer the PAPER MATE Profile pen with a medium 1.0 mm point) We decided I would run some errands and then we would go out....My back is feeling a lot better, so we wanted to celebrate...This morning I got my hair cut. When I wear it short, I must get it cut every month...my hair grows like a weed. Cutting it always makes me feel "thinner".
I forgot my list of what I needed, so I called my husband to see if he could look on my list and give me the items...
When I called my husband, he told me he was ready for an adventure... so I picked him up and we went to In and Out for lunch. We needed some dog food for Izzy (and my pens) and the cheapest place is Wal Mart....but my husband REFUSES to step foot in that particular store...HE HATES IT. So I went in alone and accomplished my errands....
We planned on seeing HALL PASS. We go to the South Point Casino, because seniors (62 and over) can see movies for $3 with a player's card, Monday through Friday, any show before 4 PM. We were early, so I suggested he play a Keno machine, and I would watch. Just before we were to go up to the show, he hit a nickel five spot and won $80. Whoopeeee!
Personally, I thought the movie was going to be stupid...but since my husband saw THE KINGS SPEECH and 127 HOURS for me (which were both excellent by the way...) AND went country dancing...
I owed him... and had to see the movie of his choice.
I have to say, I was laughing at the movie...some parts I was wheezing and choking from fits of laughter...but I was also laughing with my husband, as he has a very infectious laugh...
There are some parts, which would definitely be considered, X-RATED and not suitable for a child...or even a young person under 21, in my opinion... Even I gasped with surprise shock in one particular scene.
Anyway, after the show, we got ourselves a dish of ice cream and sat at another Keno machine. My husband put in another $20 and hit another 5 spot for another $80. Whooo-Hoooo!!
With that, we cashed out and decided to leave and pick up salads from Rio Cafe, to go. Delicious, big, and only $7 each.
The winds were starting to blow and it was very chilly outside... There are high wind warnings for tonight -- 70 miles per hour! We may also get some rain and snow. So we were anxious to get home...
Now we are safely home and cozied in. I took down all our wind chimes and covered my herb barrels. We have battened down the hatches and are settled in for the night. Izzy is crunching away on her kibbles and we have enjoyed our yummy and filling salads. Now it is snuggle time...get in the PJ's, have a nice cup of cocoa or tea and watch a good movie...
Happy weekend everyone!!
I forgot my list of what I needed, so I called my husband to see if he could look on my list and give me the items...
When I called my husband, he told me he was ready for an adventure... so I picked him up and we went to In and Out for lunch. We needed some dog food for Izzy (and my pens) and the cheapest place is Wal Mart....but my husband REFUSES to step foot in that particular store...HE HATES IT. So I went in alone and accomplished my errands....
We planned on seeing HALL PASS. We go to the South Point Casino, because seniors (62 and over) can see movies for $3 with a player's card, Monday through Friday, any show before 4 PM. We were early, so I suggested he play a Keno machine, and I would watch. Just before we were to go up to the show, he hit a nickel five spot and won $80. Whoopeeee!
Personally, I thought the movie was going to be stupid...but since my husband saw THE KINGS SPEECH and 127 HOURS for me (which were both excellent by the way...) AND went country dancing...
I owed him... and had to see the movie of his choice.
I have to say, I was laughing at the movie...some parts I was wheezing and choking from fits of laughter...but I was also laughing with my husband, as he has a very infectious laugh...
There are some parts, which would definitely be considered, X-RATED and not suitable for a child...or even a young person under 21, in my opinion... Even I gasped with surprise shock in one particular scene.
Anyway, after the show, we got ourselves a dish of ice cream and sat at another Keno machine. My husband put in another $20 and hit another 5 spot for another $80. Whooo-Hoooo!!
With that, we cashed out and decided to leave and pick up salads from Rio Cafe, to go. Delicious, big, and only $7 each.
The winds were starting to blow and it was very chilly outside... There are high wind warnings for tonight -- 70 miles per hour! We may also get some rain and snow. So we were anxious to get home...
Now we are safely home and cozied in. I took down all our wind chimes and covered my herb barrels. We have battened down the hatches and are settled in for the night. Izzy is crunching away on her kibbles and we have enjoyed our yummy and filling salads. Now it is snuggle time...get in the PJ's, have a nice cup of cocoa or tea and watch a good movie...
Happy weekend everyone!!
Friday, January 21, 2011
A Whirlwind of Thoughts In My Quest For Balance...
I admit, I have been hiding behind the positive quotes. I am in a whirlwind of thoughts, unsure of what is to come, allowing it to get the better of me... As my Mom used to tell me, "If you can't say anything positive, don't say anything at all"....
I am feeling much better, health wise. My cough is diminishing, nasal passages clear. I am in the midst of changing life patterns and I don't know which direction I am headed. It is a time of resistance and growth. Maybe it is why I got sick... I need to get outside in the sunshine.... I intend to take Izzy, my dog for a walk, but first I am waiting for my sister to call. She is visiting our Father in the hospital during her lunch hour.
Dad was rushed to the hospital on Wednesday, due to low blood pressure. I write about my Dad, who has Alzheimer's and lives in a nursing home, on my other blog, here.
I don't make new year resolutions any more...but generally, around February, I get restless, distracted, discontented. It is my time of metamorphosis, when I attempt to shed patterns which no longer work, and make myself open for what is to come... I tweak, poke, analyse and readjust my life until I feel I have found my new path..
I realized I was eating my discontent and fears. The sleep study and subsequent diagnosis of sleep apnea caught me by surprise and helped me click into a place where I can understand why I was being self destructive and finally wanted to change and lose the weight. I have lost almost ten pounds and I feel really good about it.
The purge of "stuff" always precedes an awakening, lighting my new path for my new direction...
I read Anne Morrow Lindbergh's book, GIFTS OF THE SEA every February. Been doing it for years. If you haven't read her book, do yourself a favor and read it. I have two copies. One is literally falling apart, but I will not part with it. It is an old, faithful, friend... My first copy.
When I was raising my daughters alone, her book was my compass. She gave me such hope and kept me on course. My girls were my main focus, yet I longed for my own time to write and paint... so now, I find myself in that very time and space I longed for....wiggling myself into that realization, has not been as easy as it seems...
Lindbergh writes: "For to be a woman is to have interests and duties, raying out in all directions from the central mother-core, like spokes from the hub of a wheel. The pattern of our lives is essentially circular. We must be open to all points of the compass; husband, children, friends, home, community; stretched out, exposed, sensitive like a spider's web to each breeze that blows, to each call that comes."
The hub of my life is in conflict. That old hub has been replaced and it still doesn't feel right. Despite my mother-core attempting to re-adjust, I ask myself, why do I struggle to accept the fact my daughters are fully grown? They are both strong, capable, independent women with children of their own. Why can't I relish having succeeded in accomplishing such an important life time goal?
Why do I lurk in the shadows of my life? Fearing the unknown yet wanting something new and exciting? Why do I cling to the familiar? Why can't I trust my girls are fine and in control of their lives? They do know what they are doing. If they need me, they can let me know...
Why do I hold myself back? Is it because once I let go of it, I must select a new life challenge? A new quest, answering the whisper of my destiny... full filling my life's purpose? Isn't finding my purpose my reason for living?
Choosing to focus on my creative endeavors is not giving up on being a mother and grandmother. In seeking out my quests for balance, I continue to be an example. The hurdles we face in life are meant to make us stronger... right?
I am enlightened enough to know all the answers I seek are within me, just waiting to be realized and implemented...
There is still guilt. (Ridiculous after all this time...) I still have a difficult time giving myself permission to sit back, relax, and do what I want to do...because for so long, I did what I had to do, for the three of us to survive. When someone needs my help, I am there...in body, mind and spirit. Yet, asking myself, "What do you want Donna?" (if I am honest)...it has always been such a challenge for me. (I hate admitting that..).but I do strive, to find a real balance within my life, instead of walking a tight rope of anxiety.
Lindbergh illustrates my point further when she wrote, "..The problem is not merely one of Woman and Career, Woman and the Home, Woman and Independence. It is more basically: how to remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life; how to remain balanced, no matter what centrifugal forces tend to pull one off center; how to remain strong, no matter what shocks come in at the periphery and tend to crack the hub of the wheel."
Possibly, I am using this separation of motherhood into person hood, as a crutch. Or is it even possible to be the mother I want to be and still be a person who can create on my own terms? Maybe I never fully managed to become a complete person with balance while raising my children..."fake it til' you make it", "feel the fear and do it any way." (My tried and new mantras...)
What IS this invisible shield in front of me... too often blocking me from doing what I believe I want to do? If finances prevent me from again living closer to my girls and grand kids, then why can't I accept it and move forward? Why do I feel stuck in the mud so much of the time? Why do I feel so conflicted? I really want to face this full on and look within for the answers...
Some times I want to blame my husband...yet it was both of us who made the decision to move here. Neither of us knew the economy would tank like it has... "I take myself with me where ever I go." "I can run, but I can't hide."
If I were to give advice to a friend, and the friend is me, I would advise to stay calm, stay focused. Remember inner peace and be true to myself. To read and explore until the light of my path is exposed. To trust myself and know I can achieve anything, if I just keep at it with my whole heart and soul. I know this is true, because I did a lot of impossible things in my quest and determination to raise my girls...
"Life is not a destination, it is a journey."
I believe the balance will come...
I am feeling much better, health wise. My cough is diminishing, nasal passages clear. I am in the midst of changing life patterns and I don't know which direction I am headed. It is a time of resistance and growth. Maybe it is why I got sick... I need to get outside in the sunshine.... I intend to take Izzy, my dog for a walk, but first I am waiting for my sister to call. She is visiting our Father in the hospital during her lunch hour.
Dad was rushed to the hospital on Wednesday, due to low blood pressure. I write about my Dad, who has Alzheimer's and lives in a nursing home, on my other blog, here.
I don't make new year resolutions any more...but generally, around February, I get restless, distracted, discontented. It is my time of metamorphosis, when I attempt to shed patterns which no longer work, and make myself open for what is to come... I tweak, poke, analyse and readjust my life until I feel I have found my new path..
I realized I was eating my discontent and fears. The sleep study and subsequent diagnosis of sleep apnea caught me by surprise and helped me click into a place where I can understand why I was being self destructive and finally wanted to change and lose the weight. I have lost almost ten pounds and I feel really good about it.
The purge of "stuff" always precedes an awakening, lighting my new path for my new direction...
I read Anne Morrow Lindbergh's book, GIFTS OF THE SEA every February. Been doing it for years. If you haven't read her book, do yourself a favor and read it. I have two copies. One is literally falling apart, but I will not part with it. It is an old, faithful, friend... My first copy.
When I was raising my daughters alone, her book was my compass. She gave me such hope and kept me on course. My girls were my main focus, yet I longed for my own time to write and paint... so now, I find myself in that very time and space I longed for....wiggling myself into that realization, has not been as easy as it seems...
Lindbergh writes: "For to be a woman is to have interests and duties, raying out in all directions from the central mother-core, like spokes from the hub of a wheel. The pattern of our lives is essentially circular. We must be open to all points of the compass; husband, children, friends, home, community; stretched out, exposed, sensitive like a spider's web to each breeze that blows, to each call that comes."
The hub of my life is in conflict. That old hub has been replaced and it still doesn't feel right. Despite my mother-core attempting to re-adjust, I ask myself, why do I struggle to accept the fact my daughters are fully grown? They are both strong, capable, independent women with children of their own. Why can't I relish having succeeded in accomplishing such an important life time goal?
Why do I lurk in the shadows of my life? Fearing the unknown yet wanting something new and exciting? Why do I cling to the familiar? Why can't I trust my girls are fine and in control of their lives? They do know what they are doing. If they need me, they can let me know...
Why do I hold myself back? Is it because once I let go of it, I must select a new life challenge? A new quest, answering the whisper of my destiny... full filling my life's purpose? Isn't finding my purpose my reason for living?
Choosing to focus on my creative endeavors is not giving up on being a mother and grandmother. In seeking out my quests for balance, I continue to be an example. The hurdles we face in life are meant to make us stronger... right?
I am enlightened enough to know all the answers I seek are within me, just waiting to be realized and implemented...
There is still guilt. (Ridiculous after all this time...) I still have a difficult time giving myself permission to sit back, relax, and do what I want to do...because for so long, I did what I had to do, for the three of us to survive. When someone needs my help, I am there...in body, mind and spirit. Yet, asking myself, "What do you want Donna?" (if I am honest)...it has always been such a challenge for me. (I hate admitting that..).but I do strive, to find a real balance within my life, instead of walking a tight rope of anxiety.
Lindbergh illustrates my point further when she wrote, "..The problem is not merely one of Woman and Career, Woman and the Home, Woman and Independence. It is more basically: how to remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life; how to remain balanced, no matter what centrifugal forces tend to pull one off center; how to remain strong, no matter what shocks come in at the periphery and tend to crack the hub of the wheel."
Possibly, I am using this separation of motherhood into person hood, as a crutch. Or is it even possible to be the mother I want to be and still be a person who can create on my own terms? Maybe I never fully managed to become a complete person with balance while raising my children..."fake it til' you make it", "feel the fear and do it any way." (My tried and new mantras...)
What IS this invisible shield in front of me... too often blocking me from doing what I believe I want to do? If finances prevent me from again living closer to my girls and grand kids, then why can't I accept it and move forward? Why do I feel stuck in the mud so much of the time? Why do I feel so conflicted? I really want to face this full on and look within for the answers...
Some times I want to blame my husband...yet it was both of us who made the decision to move here. Neither of us knew the economy would tank like it has... "I take myself with me where ever I go." "I can run, but I can't hide."
If I were to give advice to a friend, and the friend is me, I would advise to stay calm, stay focused. Remember inner peace and be true to myself. To read and explore until the light of my path is exposed. To trust myself and know I can achieve anything, if I just keep at it with my whole heart and soul. I know this is true, because I did a lot of impossible things in my quest and determination to raise my girls...
"Life is not a destination, it is a journey."
I believe the balance will come...
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The Sweet and The Ridiculous...
Back home from California...
Wonderful time with family... full report on our trip on my other blog ...
That's my nose in the upper left hand corner with my grandson, baby Jacob...
Update on the Dream Beds at Ayres Inn are $1800 for a queen sized mattress and box springs, plus $500-$800 for delivery... forget that idea.
Instead, my husband, who LOVES infomercials, bought a queen sized SERTA perfect sleeper "Kettering" pillow top mattress and box springs on QVC. He paid $784 with free delivery, set up and haul away of the old mattress...
It will be delivered tomorrow. Wish us luck... I will not allow them to haul away the old mattress until I have laid on it, inspected it, and smelled it...
I have been contacted by our community computer club. Turns out they took my offer to teach a class on starting a blog. They want me to schedule a class in January or February. ME AND MY BIG MOUTH! I think I was so desperate to get the GURU to fix my desktop when we got the virus, I would have promised anything. My main problem is nervousness when speaking in front of crowds... Guess this is an opportunity to challenge myself....
I will have to work up a format of the class... (oh Lord, pleas help me).
Any of you dear blogging buddies, if you have any helpful hints to pass along to me to help me with the class, please feel free to comment with any advice you might have...
Time for a cup of tea. The news said we are in for very cold weather in Nevada...we may even get some snow...
Wonderful time with family... full report on our trip on my other blog ...
That's my nose in the upper left hand corner with my grandson, baby Jacob...
Talking away...
Always smiling...
Update on the Dream Beds at Ayres Inn are $1800 for a queen sized mattress and box springs, plus $500-$800 for delivery... forget that idea.
Instead, my husband, who LOVES infomercials, bought a queen sized SERTA perfect sleeper "Kettering" pillow top mattress and box springs on QVC. He paid $784 with free delivery, set up and haul away of the old mattress...
I have been contacted by our community computer club. Turns out they took my offer to teach a class on starting a blog. They want me to schedule a class in January or February. ME AND MY BIG MOUTH! I think I was so desperate to get the GURU to fix my desktop when we got the virus, I would have promised anything. My main problem is nervousness when speaking in front of crowds... Guess this is an opportunity to challenge myself....
I will have to work up a format of the class... (oh Lord, pleas help me).
Any of you dear blogging buddies, if you have any helpful hints to pass along to me to help me with the class, please feel free to comment with any advice you might have...
Time for a cup of tea. The news said we are in for very cold weather in Nevada...we may even get some snow...
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
In Search Of A Dream...
Yesterday morning
My daughter and I
found a beautiful
manufactured home
for $59,000
built in 2005
3 bedrooms, 2 bath
1225 square feet
with an incredible view
of the valley
in Calimesa.
I left two messages
for the Realtor
and she finally
called back late last night
to tell me
the park rent
was $425 a month
plus an average
of $200 per month
for utilities.
I should have known
it was too good
to be true...
If the price is low,
the HOA or space rent
is high.
For now,
we will stay
where we are
and keep searching...
I've noticed
a huge change
in my husband's mood.
I complimented him
on how much more
relaxed he is.
He told me,
"I feel a lot less stress
knowing
I don't have to
return to work
when we get home."
~dkb~
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Learning To Slow Down...
On our drive out from Nevada, my husband normally tries to beat his last land speed record in seeing how quickly we can arrive at our destination. Pity me if I need to use the restroom. When he is on a mission to get somewhere, stopping, is not on his agenda....
He started our trip in the fast line with a determined look on his face.... I reminded him,
"Remember honey, you are retired now, we have all the time in the world. We don't have to rush anymore".
He looked over at me and smiled, "Yeah, I need to learn how to slow down.''
He started our trip in the fast line with a determined look on his face.... I reminded him,
"Remember honey, you are retired now, we have all the time in the world. We don't have to rush anymore".
He looked over at me and smiled, "Yeah, I need to learn how to slow down.''
Today is our third day in California... Our schedule has been jam packed, me going one direction and my husband going another. Our challenge is to visit with as many of our large family as possible within a one week period. Today I went with Mom to her church group which helps young Mothers, to the nursing home for Dad's 90th birthday celebration given by the nursing home, then back to her house to wait for my husband, who had gone to Riverside to meet one of his friends for breakfast and then have lunch with his youngest son.
We barely had time to change clothes before piling in the car to meet the rest of our family at the nursing home to celebrate Dad's 90th birthday. Everyone made it except one of my brothers who was delayed on the freeway. The party was a big success and Dad was ready for bed when we all kissed him good-bye. Afterward, we caravaned to my second oldest brother's home in Covina Hills for a delicious spaghetti dinner. We got back to Mom's around midnight...
Tomorrow he will return to Riverside to see his daughter, after he drops me off at 7:30 am in Claremont to walk and spend time with my sister. Later my sister will drop me back off at Mom's where I will meet up with my husband, pack up and we will drive to Beaumont to stay with my oldest daughter and grandsons. My daughter's husband is away in Colorado on a hunting trip.
My youngest daughter, her husband and baby Jacob will also arrive Saturday and we will all spend the night at my oldest daughters. Sunday we celebrate my second youngest grandson's birthday. Monday and Tuesday is whatever comes up and we return to Nevada on Wednesday...
Maybe we can work on the slowing down part on our drive back home...
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Woman Had A Mission...
Cardinal John Henry Newman wrote this beautiful reflection:
“God has created me for some definite service; He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have a mission. I may never know exactly what that mission is in this life. I shall be told it in the next. I have a part in a great work. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for nothing. I shall do good. I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, even if I do not realize what I am doing. But, if I keep His commandments, I will serve Him in my calling.”
This reflection was read today at Aunt Flora's funeral service. One of my husband's cousins had heard this reflection and he immediately thought it needed to be read to describe her life...
“God has created me for some definite service; He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have a mission. I may never know exactly what that mission is in this life. I shall be told it in the next. I have a part in a great work. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for nothing. I shall do good. I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, even if I do not realize what I am doing. But, if I keep His commandments, I will serve Him in my calling.”
This reflection was read today at Aunt Flora's funeral service. One of my husband's cousins had heard this reflection and he immediately thought it needed to be read to describe her life...
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Sad News And Happy News---- Kinda...
Today, at 12:15am, New York time, my husband's favorite Aunt and God Mother passed away. She would have been 98 years old in February. A few months ago, her blood pressure began to get so low she would faint. Before then, she managed her home in Orchard Park, cooked from scratch and did her own yard work. Her mind was "sharp as a tack" and carried on wonderful conversations. She was a total joy to be around. She had started to slow down and had a few falls, so two months ago, the family put her in Assisted Living.
In April, 2006, we flew back to visit her and see all my husband's cousins in Buffalo and Rochester. We had a huge party at his cousin's home. All we did was laugh, eat, sleep and poop. No sooner would we wake up from a full stomach nap, Aunt Flora would be serving up another meal. God, I love Italians...
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In April, 2006, we flew back to visit her and see all my husband's cousins in Buffalo and Rochester. We had a huge party at his cousin's home. All we did was laugh, eat, sleep and poop. No sooner would we wake up from a full stomach nap, Aunt Flora would be serving up another meal. God, I love Italians...
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Aunt Flora
(Notice what the pillow says?
"You can always spot a Lady".)
She and I would take long walks around her neighborhood. OH MY LORD, the houses were so big and so far apart! Beautiful big trees and creeks. Squirrels scampering, flowers bursting up at first Spring. We went to Vidler's 5 & 10 in East Aurora, New York... Talk about finding A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G you could ever want! It was like going back in time to the 1950's...
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We went to Father Baker's Lady of Victory Basilica, one of her most favorite places. He also built an Infant Home for all the unwanted babies and helped unmarried teens. He also built an Orphanage, Hospital and School. Incredible. Google it. I may post about it some time and share my pictures...
We saw Niagara Falls, which was a life long dream for me to see. I need to post about it one day as well..
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Aunt Flora was a unique and wonderful woman. She was first, last and always, a lady of the highest caliber. So positive, so loving, so remarkable. She joined her beloved husband, her infant daughter, brothers, sisters and a lot more family and friends in Heaven. She will be greatly missed.
As for the happy news.... My husband found out this morning he was laid off. Sadly, fifteen other people were laid off too. Eighteen other employees, who survived the lay off, had to take serious salary cuts. His last day is next Thursday. No severance either...
He was thinking of retiring the end of December, or April, or maybe June....(he could not make up his mind) and I wanted him to retire six months ago. He was miserable there. Things have not been the same for a couple years He HATED going to work. This past year, he has been in charge of all the bad loans from all four banks. Not fun. He was starting to get grumpy too...
When he returned from Mexico this past week, he asked me to pray they would let him go when he returned to work. Our prayers were answered.
We feel badly for the younger people who were let go, no one likes to see so many people without work...Luckily, he made a good enough salary so we have been able to save and prepare. It was the main reason we moved here. We'll be OK... He wanted to save more, but I told him there is no dollar compensation worth more than one's health and happiness. He has been in banking fifty years. He is seventy-one years old (but looks like he is in his late 50's). He has raised six children and worked hard all his life. He deserves time to do what HE wants....I am excited and looking forward to this new chapter in our lives.
Monday, September 20, 2010
GOT THE CALL at 4:03 AM!!!!!
It is 7am and I am getting ready to load the car and take Izzy to the Vet for boarding, then on my way to CALI...need to talk to my oldest daughter, as she is who I will stay with while my youngest daughter is in the hospital, then will stay with my Mom when my daughter goes back home...
I am SO EXCITED and have major nervous stomach for my baby, who is having her first baby!!
More later...love you guys!!!
I am SO EXCITED and have major nervous stomach for my baby, who is having her first baby!!
More later...love you guys!!!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Unofficial Pool For When The Grandson Will Arrive...
We are having an unofficial pool to guess when the grandson will arrive... (she was due on the 14th)
My husband thinks this weekend
Mom thinks the 17th
I think tomorrow
My sister thinks the 21st
The doctor will induce if she has not had him by the 24th...
I have Jury Duty the 29th, which I will have to reschedule if she waits til the 24th...
My daughter called and told me she thinks the time will be 2:48...only she is not sure whether the time is AM or PM! She doing a lot of walking, attempting to get things started...
What do you think? Any guesses?
My husband thinks this weekend
Mom thinks the 17th
I think tomorrow
My sister thinks the 21st
The doctor will induce if she has not had him by the 24th...
I have Jury Duty the 29th, which I will have to reschedule if she waits til the 24th...
My daughter called and told me she thinks the time will be 2:48...only she is not sure whether the time is AM or PM! She doing a lot of walking, attempting to get things started...
What do you think? Any guesses?
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