Picture taken by my friend Cyndi Leos....thank you Cyndi.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Microfiction Monday #68 Soapbox Miracle...

Susan at stoney river offers a writing challenge every Monday.  Submissions cannot be any longer than 140 characters, spaces and punctuation included.  Here's mine:
It's a miracle Shamus!
Keeping the fish catch money
in the soap box was genius!
The good Lord saved us!


Saturday, January 29, 2011

A Litte of This and A Little of That....

Just home from country dancing.  I am so excited, after 9 years of marriage, lots of cajoling and nagging,  my husband finally consented to take some lessons at our local rockin' country dance hall.  We went with another couple and learned the Cowboy Cha Cha  for couples and then a line dance called, UNO, DOS, TRES.  Both the men bailed shortly after the 2nd lesson started.  My girlfriend didn't finish the dance, but I stayed until the end...

I know I am going to feel it tomorrow...but it was so fun.  My husband and my girlfriend said they would come back.  Her husband was not so sure.  My husband told me we should take a couple lessons up at our community center and then go back to the dance hall.  It brought back so many fun memories for me when I used to dance with my daughters...

I needed this.  Had an emotional couple days with my dad....

Friday hubby and I went to see THE KINGS SPEECH.  He did not want to see it, but went "for me".  Turns out, he liked it.  He stayed awake through the entire movie.  It really is a great movie.  I had heard it was good, and I was not disappointed.  Just the right combo of humor, history, great acting, and a touching, inspirational story.

Thursday we picked up my CPAP machine.  Friday we got the distilled water for it.  Still have not used it.  I have to rearrange my bedroom.  Been working in our master closet, master bathroom and tomorrow, I will tackle our bedroom...

Izzy and I got our hair cut.  I had a bit more red put in my hair... I love it...

I went to a few yard sales today and found a keyboard and mouse for $2. The letters on my current keyboard are worn off, so it will be nice to able to read the keys...too busy to install it today...maybe tomorrow...

Happened to find a yard sale where the family owned a pet store and closed it.  They had all kinds of dog clothes.  Found Izzy a purple sweater and a KONG red t shirt...both fit her perfectly. 2 for $5.

At another, found two cute head bands, one black with a bow and one silver with a bow. Had price tags of $10 and got both for $1.

I know you would like to see more pictures...but I am so tired I can hardly keep my peepers open....
Just gotta' hit the sack....night, night...

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Magpie 50: Instincts...

Prompt Photo by Tess Kincaid
Challenge from Magpie Tales

prickly winter trees
 stripped of green leaves
darkened trunks
buried in frost and snow
speckled with bits of  red
 the last of fall...
up ahead
 a clearing to see
will it lead
 up or down...
will there be
 denser trees...
will the curve
 go left or right...
only the instincts
there are no signs...

or are there?


Monday, January 24, 2011

Getting The Ball Rolling...

Whew...been very busy with getting back on track and keeping tabs on Dad's progress. Thank goodness Dad is going back to the nursing home tonight.  He will remain isolated until he finishes the antibiotics for the MRSA. 

I rescheduled all my appointments canceled when I was sick.  I go see the respiratory therapist for my CPAP machine this Thursday. Made an appointment for Izzy to get trimmed and bathed.

I tentatively scheduled my blogging class for our community computer club, for March.  I need to make a step by step hand out.  I have asked to have all those interested in taking the class, to first have a google email account so we don't have to take up time in class with it.

I so appreciate it when I wish to learn something, and some one who knows what I wish to learn, is generous enough to help me.  In being grateful, I feel I should "pay it forward" and help others.  I get nervous speaking in front of a group.  I challenged myself back in my earlier years, taking Speech classes, joining Toastmasters, and volunteering to be a Facilitator in a support group.  Each time I had to "fake it" like I was comfortable with public speaking, or imagine everyone sitting in their underwear, or just "acting" like I did it all the time...

I am going to look forward to the personal challenge to grow and conquer my discomfort. I have decided to use discomfort instead of fear...makes it sound less foreboding.

Friday, January 21, 2011

A Whirlwind of Thoughts In My Quest For Balance...

I admit, I have been hiding behind the positive quotes.  I am in a whirlwind of thoughts, unsure of what is to come, allowing it to get the better of me... As my Mom used to tell me, "If you can't say anything positive, don't say anything at all"....

I am feeling much better, health wise.  My cough is diminishing, nasal passages clear. I am in the midst of changing life patterns and I don't know which direction I am headed.  It is a time of resistance and growth. Maybe it is why I got sick...  I need to get outside in the sunshine.... I intend to take Izzy, my dog for a walk, but first I am waiting for my sister to call.  She is visiting our Father in the hospital during her lunch hour.

Dad was rushed to the hospital on Wednesday, due to low blood pressure.  I write about my Dad, who has Alzheimer's and lives in a nursing home, on my other blog, here.

I don't make new year resolutions any more...but generally, around February, I get restless, distracted, discontented.  It is my time of metamorphosis, when I attempt to shed patterns which no longer work, and make myself open for what is to come...  I tweak, poke, analyse and readjust my life until I feel I have found my new path..

I realized I was eating my discontent and fears.  The sleep study and subsequent diagnosis of sleep apnea caught me by surprise and helped me click into a place where I can understand why I was being self destructive and finally wanted to change and lose the weight.  I have lost almost ten pounds and I feel really good about it.

The purge of "stuff" always precedes an awakening, lighting my new path for my new direction...

I read Anne Morrow Lindbergh's book, GIFTS OF THE SEA every February.  Been doing it for years.  If you haven't read her book, do yourself a favor and read it.  I have two copies.  One is literally falling apart, but I will not part with it.  It is an old, faithful, friend...  My first copy.

When I was raising my daughters alone, her book was my compass.  She gave me such hope and kept me on course.  My girls were my main focus, yet I longed for my own time to write and paint... so now, I find myself in that very time and space I longed for....wiggling myself into that realization, has not been as easy as it seems...

Lindbergh writes: "For to be a woman is to have interests and duties, raying out in all directions from the central mother-core, like spokes from the hub of a wheel.  The pattern of our lives is essentially circular.  We must be open to all points of the compass; husband, children, friends, home, community; stretched out, exposed, sensitive like a spider's web to each breeze that blows, to each call that comes." 

The hub of my life is in conflict. That old hub has been replaced and it still doesn't feel right. Despite my mother-core attempting to re-adjust, I ask myself, why do I struggle to accept the fact my daughters are fully grown? They are both strong, capable, independent women with children of their own.  Why can't I relish having succeeded in accomplishing such an important life time goal?

Why do I lurk in the shadows of my life? Fearing the unknown yet wanting something new and exciting?  Why do I cling to the familiar? Why can't I trust my girls are fine and in control of their lives?  They do know what they are doing.  If they need me, they can let me know...

Why do I hold myself back? Is it because once I let go of it, I must select a new life challenge? A new quest, answering the whisper of my destiny... full filling my life's purpose? Isn't finding my purpose my reason for living?

Choosing to focus on my creative endeavors is not giving up on being a mother and grandmother.  In seeking out my quests for balance, I continue to be an example.  The hurdles we face in life are meant to make us stronger... right?

I am enlightened enough to know all the answers I seek are within me, just waiting to be realized and implemented...

There is still guilt.  (Ridiculous after all this time...)  I still have a difficult time giving myself permission to sit back, relax, and do what I want to do...because for so long, I did what I had to do, for the three of us to survive.  When someone needs my help, I am body, mind and spirit. Yet, asking myself, "What do you want Donna?" (if I am honest) has always been such a challenge for me. (I hate admitting that..).but I do strive, to find a real balance within my life, instead of walking a tight rope of anxiety.

Lindbergh illustrates my point further when she wrote, "..The problem is not merely one of Woman and Career, Woman and the Home, Woman and Independence.  It is more basically: how to remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life; how to remain balanced, no matter what centrifugal forces tend to pull one off center; how to remain strong, no matter what shocks come in at the periphery and tend to crack the hub of the wheel."

Possibly, I am using this separation of motherhood into person hood, as a crutch. Or is it even possible to be the mother I want to be and still be a person who can create on my own terms?  Maybe I never fully managed to become a complete person with balance while raising my children..."fake it til' you make it", "feel the fear and do it any way."  (My tried and new mantras...)

What IS this invisible shield in front of me... too often blocking me from doing what I believe I want to do?  If finances prevent me from again living closer to my girls and grand kids, then why can't I accept it and move forward?  Why do I feel stuck in the mud so much of the time? Why do I feel so conflicted? I really want to face this full on and look within for the answers...

Some times I want to blame my husband...yet it was both of us who made the decision to move here.  Neither of us knew the economy would tank like it has... "I take myself with me where ever I go." "I can run, but I can't hide." 

If I were to give advice to a friend, and the friend is me,  I would advise to stay calm, stay focused.  Remember inner peace and be true to myself.  To read and explore until the light of my path is exposed.  To trust myself and know I can achieve anything, if I just keep at it with my whole heart and soul.  I know this is true, because I did a lot of impossible things in my quest and determination to raise my girls...

"Life is not a destination, it is a journey." 

I believe the balance will come...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Glorious Enthusiasm...

"We all possess the thunder of pure fury and the calm breeze of tranquility.
If it wasn't for tomorrow, how much would we get done today?
Whatever your purpose... embrace it completely.
Get lost in the clouds every now and then so you never lose sight of God's wonder."

~Paul Vitale~

"A few minutes ago every tree was excited, bowing to the roaring storm, waving, swirling, tossing their branches in glorious enthusiasm like worship. But though to the outer ear these trees are now silent, their songs never cease".

~John Muir~

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Trust In The Light...

"Trust in the Light.
Darkness is not a force -
it is merely the absence of light.
Observe that when a light
is brought to a dark place,
 the darkness disappears.
Sadness is similar -
when joy is brought to suffering,
the sadness disappears."

- Jonathan Lockwood Huie -

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


"...Time is priceless
Yet it costs us nothing.
You can do anything
you want
with it...
but you can't own it,
you can't spend it,
you can't keep it,
and once you've lost it
there is no getting it back...
It is just gone...."

Excerpt from the dialogue on MEDIUM spoken by Allison DuBois (played by Patricia Arquette), April 13, 2009

Monday, January 17, 2011

Words To Ponder...

"The best way to make your dreams come true, is to wake up."  ~ Paul Valery

"It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.  It is what you think about."  ~ Dale Carnegie

"The time is always right, to do what is right."  ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Mag Pie 48: Same Ol' Song...

Photograph by Tess Kincaid
Challenge from Mag Pie Tales

I have hesitated in posting this...because it is so depressing...but it bolted out to me the moment I saw the photograph...

rolling of eyes
heavy sighs
resolutions broken
reading between the lines
same ol' song...

dry eyed memories
of wasted energy
 slamming doors
promises unkempt
same ol' song...

tears cried
could fill a river
 long since dry as dust.
when does knowing better
 become reality?
same ol' song...

wanting is doing
doing is dedication,
large egos can't compromise...
a couple is two
not one...
same ol' song...

women and men
such polarized opposites...
pulling apart
pushing away
together as strangers...
same ol' song...

oh-- the value of
making impressions...
heightened excitement...
pleasing with motivation...
tarnished by the familiar?
same ol' song...

individuality and stubbornness
lanterns and swords
frustration lords
on barbed words
 listen and ignore
 same ol' song...

knowing is not growing
nimble retreat in empty threats
losing traction
is time the welcome healer?
same ol' song...

like the notes on
 sheets of music
played tender or twisted
loud or soft
short or long...
same ol' song

thoughts of the past
how it used to be
remembering what made it
commitment is the key
to unlock the distance...
same ol' song...



A dream begins
with a voice within
that is calling you forth to a goal.
When you answer that voice
you engage in the start
of a wonderful dance of the soul.


*A card from a friend

Saturday, January 15, 2011

An Opportunity To Learn So Much More...

My Mom sent this to me in an email....

What an incredible reaction between mammal and human...

Who are we?
Put together in nature
Two legged and four
Feathered and flippered
For an opportunity
To learn so much more...

Enjoy....(click on link below...)

Seal intrigued with woman on beach

Wishing this cold would go away...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I Go See The Respiratory Therapist...

I called the Home Health Care Agency through my health insurance today and my face mask is in!  Since I still have my cold, we scheduled me to see the Respiratory Therapist, Thursday January, 20th at 10am.  He will instruct me how to use the mask and maintain it etc, and give me my machine.  So stay tuned for my first night wearing the mask at home...

Back to the will feel so GOOD to get this office cleaned out!!!  Then, my husband and I will tackle the garage...

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Keeping My Stuffy Nose To The Grindstone...

"Life is denied by lack of attention, whether it be to cleaning windows or trying to write a masterpiece."

Nadia Boulanger

Sunday after my back started to feel better, I went into a sneezing attack Sunday night.  I woke up Monday with a sore throat.  I made a doctor appointment for Tuesday and Mr. Clean (my husband), got me some Sudafed, 120mg after my oldest daughter instructed me what to get.  I went from feeling like my head was full of cotton candy to being able to breathe.

My throat is red, but not sore.  My doctor is not sure if it is a virus or bacteria.  He gave me a prescription for Amoxicillin to fill if I feel worse...

I spent the day shredding and have filled a yard size, black, trash bag.  I am gathering everything for the tax man and I wade through my office on my purging spree.  The only other location in our house which is as bad as our office, is the garage.  I always take on the worst jobs first...

I am keeping my nose to the grindstone...determined to make progress...which keeps me away from my computer, unfortunately...

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Got A Hitch In My Get-A-Long During THE BIG PURGE OF 2011...

To borrow the term from a good friend who purged her life last year, I am beginning our BIG PURGE this year.  In the process of going through my books (which is traumatic in itself) I pinched something (Sciatic nerve?) in my right butt cheek.  Hurts like %#@&*!!!

After two days of lying around in agony, today, hubby and I ventured out to run some errands... I wore two ICY HOT PATCHES one on my lower back, one on my right butt cheek and a back brace around my middle.  I also swallowed a huge Motrin 800... so far, so good.

I may pop in here and there to blog, but I have a huge under taking before me.  My hubby (Mr. Clean) is going to assist me.  He has always traveled very light, so the opportunity to "un-load" a lot of "stuff" has him highly motivated.  I suppose, in putting up with my "organized clutter" is a testament to how much he loves me....

I asked him not to call my stuff "crap" and to be patient with me.  As I write this, I wonder if asking for his help was a smart idea...this could be potentially very regrettable.  If I turn my back he may toss out with zero regard...then again, maybe it is better his way...

Obviously, I have emotional and sentimental attachments to most of my "stuff"... yet, now, I want, I yearn to have a simpler life with less stuff.  I have discussed this goal on my blog I need to just shut up and get it done.  If I am not blogging as often, you now know why...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Approved For CPAP Machine...

I received a call from my primary care physician's referral manager, telling me she had received my CPAP approval.  The home health agency contracted with my health care phoned me after lunch to let me know I had been approved 100% with no co-pay for the CPAP machine rental.  (Pretty impressive since I took my new card into my primary care doctor's office on only took three days)

Apparently, the oxygen and humidifier is in the CPAP machine, which is brand new, I will be renting.  In case anything goes wrong, it will be replaced at no charge.  The mask, (the model I used, with the air pillows up the nostrils, in the 2nd sleep study) is not  in stock and will have to be ordered.  It will be  purchased by my health care provider and paid 100%, again, no co-pay.  So far, I am very happy with my new health care provider. 

The woman told me it should take about a week to get it in their office.  She said she would call me as soon as it arrived and gave me her direct line.  When it comes in, she will schedule me for an appointment with a Respiratory Therapist who will teach me about the machine and how to use it etc.

I have been sleeping so well in our new bed, (no more sore spots or flip flopping...AND strangely enough, no more restless less syndrome...) but unfortunately, still snoring up a storm.  My husband is still on the couch... only our dog Izzy is brave enough to tolerate my turbo engine nostril noise all night ... hopefully, she will not attack me during the night when I start wearing the mask...

We will see....just another adventure ahead of us...

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Lead With Your Soul Instead of Your Ego...

**image from google images**

You are
for creating
what your heart
yearns for...
Lead with your soul
instead of your ego
and you will
instead of
No one else can
complete you.
You are responsible
to heal
and complete yourself.
Strive for peace.
You cannot love
if you 
which breeds
Gather calm.
Find time to meditate.
Accept what is,
until your
brings change.
Seek joy.
Be willing
to learn and grow.
Become friends
with patience.


Saturday, January 1, 2011

I May Have Spoken Too Soon...

The past two nights, I have awoke with either sore hips or sore shoulders and both nights, my lower back.  It appears, since I learned to be a side sleeper, I wake up when one side is sore from lying on it so long, and flip over to the other.  When that side is sore, I flip to my former sleeping style, on my back.  When I sleep on my back, I snore as loud as a freight train in the middle of the night...I literally suck the paint off the walls (as my husband says).

So the past two days I have been dragging around with zero energy, yet I don't take naps, like my husband does...

When I made up the beds, my husband asked me not to put the egg crate foam on top of the mattress.  I know it sounds ridiculous, but the indentations of the in sewn patterns on top of the mattress, hurt me.  I need something between me and those patterns.  My husband insisted I would not need it.  Suffice it to say, he is out running some errands, and I am putting it on the bed.

Wish me luck...this quest for a good nights sleep is beginning to look futile...I must wait until Monday to request my doctor to send my two sleep studies and script for the CPAP machine to my new HMO. 

Ironically, since sleeping in the new bed, I have not had any trouble with my legs feeling numb and needing to thrash about. The sore hips and shoulders is new...I used to have it in our old bed, but solved it with a pillow top mattress pad about four inches thick.... It is still on our old bed which is now in the guest bedroom... I hope we don't have to start sleeping in separate rooms....