Picture taken by my friend Cyndi Leos....thank you Cyndi.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

On Self-Knowledge...

by Kahlil Gibran

Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.

And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.

Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself like a lotus of countless petals.

Friday, May 28, 2010

I see you...

I liked what
the blue Navi people
said to one another
upon greeting
in the movie

"I see you"

To be accepted
as you are.

It was
as if
they could
deep within
one's soul
and feel

Kind of
our blogs...

Thursday, May 27, 2010

On Children...

by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

We're building our retirement from the bottom up...

Our three days to cancel the Reverse Mortgage are up today.  Our specialist phoned.  We needed to sign two more pages in our inch thick loan paperwork.  Apparently, when the Notary FED EX'd it to the Title Company, those two pages were missing. The Specialist went to my husband's work to have him sign and offered to come to our home for mine.  I told him I would meet him at his office, which is right down the street.

The Reverse Mortgage is the base of our retirement structure.  We have an appointment this weekend with our financial advisor, to make the best of what funds we have left from all the economic downfall.  We are going to see a Tax specialist to review the past two years of taxes to see if there were any mistakes and how we can improve our situation and plan for retirement.

I am examining all our expenses to see how we can eliminate or reduce spending. Does anyone know of a website or blog on how to minimize expenses?  I need to find a good resource for "greening" our save energy and money...

We have already gone through all of our insurance plans for expiration dates and determining which to keep and which to let go...

I want to have a big yard sale with my daughter in law to sell what we don't need.  Our goal is to simplify, purge and eliminate extra weight.  Each year I will have the upcoming Spring as my goal to prepare for selling the house.

I will be applying for my Social Security soon in preparation for my husband's retirement...

Onward and upward...

Tuesday, May 25, 2010



I am paying the price
for walking Izzy in the wind
 the past several days.
My eyes are itchy,
 my nostrils are dried out
From now on,
 I think I will wear the above
for any future walks in the wind...

Saturday, May 22, 2010

The Meaning of Life...

I think we all
want basically
the same thing:

to be loved
to be respected
to feel worthwhile
to be appreciated
to share
to help
to feel good
to feel accomplished
to find one's self
to do something creative
or important
to make a difference
in an other's life
to be remembered...

I think
life gets complicated
when the ego
 becomes a priority.

When blame,
& resentment
the ear
and blinds the eye.

When injustice
steals a life
by force,
the life force

When pain or disease
& warp
best of

No one
in good consciousness
to watch
 a loved one

When we give
ourselves away
too soon
taking the time

We must have tools:
positive attitude
self reliance

We come into this world
prewired by our genetics
molded by our parents...
The lucky ones
are loved
 lead by

We learn constantly
to be.

We must have

~~ dkb

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Where am I?

I don't know what is wrong with me.  Is this a period of discontent?  Today, I feel like a lousy Mother, a worse Grand Mother, a rotten friend...I feel disconnected and emotionally marooned on some deserted island...

I spoke with my eldest daughter this morning.  She is planning my youngest daughter's baby shower in August. About all I can offer is to foot the bill and of course attend, bringing gifts. My daughter is extremely capable, yet, I would like to be there to help with the planning and helping... (Sounds like a pity party for me, feeling "left out".)

She reminded me, when we lived in California, my husband and I both worked.  My eldest daughter had to plan her own shower and again, I helped with the expenses...She really can handle it on her own.  I would most likely be in her way...but she would appreciate me watching the boys so she could get things done...I AM really good at playing with the boys...

Maybe it is a double whammy for me now...not only do I live further away, but now I have plenty of time on my hands, don't work, and can't see my family as often as I'd like. I can talk to them every day, like I did when I lived there, but some how its not the same...

We were so close to moving back...but financially, we need to stay another two to five years, hoping the market will improve.  We'll probably have to rent when we return...I really don't care.  I just want to feel whole again...

We moved here for financial reasons.  It has been a good situation for us and our future.  Actually, I see my girls and grand kids more now, ironically, then when we lived there.  Giving our house away and not being mindful of our future nest egg, is not something we can do without serious consequences.  Not when we are months away from my husband's retirement... Still I feel like a "fish out of water" not being closer to my girls...

I need to get a life... The girls have BEEN MY LIFE for the past twenty eight years, I was never more than 45 minutes away. For almost five years since moving here, I just can't seem to get in a groove...

My youngest daughter is expecting her first son the end of September and my oldest daughter's boys are now seven and five....where did the time go? I can never get it back...

They each have their own families and are the independent, capable women I raised them to be.... I just never planned on living this far away when my grand kids came along. I miss them terribly, despite how good my daughters are about keeping me informed of their lives and what cute things the boys are saying or doing...I feel guilty living far away... I have still not come to terms about living here...

I know I am still an important part of their lives...yet, I feel so abnormal.  Maybe I have been having "Empty Nest"'s kind of like being on an extended vacation.  It's very difficult to explain...and I probably sound like a lunatic.

How does one dismiss and abandon negative thought?  How does one dismantle lousy feelings and moods?
How do I disconnect from all that is unproductive and depressing? How do I make the best of a bad situation? How do I justify looking out for our future in matters of the heart?  We don't want to be a burden on our we HAVE to look out for our future...right?

I want to go back to bed...not to sleep, but to climb into an escape hatch like Alice in Wonderland's rabbit hole...

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Keep it simple..

I visited Tabitha at  Reading her Ten Commandments and her Spiritual To Do List, it made me think how much we can complicate our lives.  When I read her blog, I feel peace within.  I feel calm.  I can take a deep breath and just let out a wonderful, deep, sigh...

Its the simple things and the little things that make such a difference in our lives:

a hug
a smile
shared laughter
holding hands
watching a baby sleep
being held by a child
waking up to a new day
a walk
a nap
a phone call
a friend
looking up to a blue sky
 white fluffy clouds
feeling pain free
a kiss
sharing time with a loved one
petting a cat
playing with a dog
a knowing glance from across a room
the bloom of a flower
a cup of coffee
a spot of tea
a child after a bath
grand kids laughter
children's laughter
a love note
a thank you note
brownies in the oven
toes in the sand
listening to the whistle of wind
 the scent of pine trees
a gentle breeze on a hot day
an answered prayer
a good book
a task done well
an apology
feeling comfortable
a shoulder rub
a firm hand shake
an unexpected surprise
a home cooked meal with love
dinner and good conversation
a hot shower
a soak in a tub
first snow
being warm after cold
being cool after heat
 belly laughs
feeling cozy
a cleansing cry
knowing God's love
the miracle of birth
smell of the ocean
roar of the waves
a bird's song
a cat's purr
a dog's cock of the head
puppy breath
baby's scent
lunch with a friend
being remembered
feeling special


Friday, May 14, 2010

Take me away Bailey's...take me away...

Still no word on the appraisal.  It is still in under writing... Went to California last Thursday the 6th, and returned home this past Tuesday...

Been a long week since last Friday, when Dad walked out of the nursing home and had a terrible fall....(see other blog, Mystical Journeys, for details)...  I feel emotionally exhausted.  Still can't sleep very well...think I will pour a couple shots of Bailey's into my tea tonight...

I know I have something profound brewing within me...still too tired to reach for it...

Gotta get the PJ's on and go find the bottle of Bailey's....
                                                                                       nite, nite...zzzzzzzz

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I have a good feeling...

The appraiser came promptly at 2pm. He was friendly, and talkative. He not only read my long list of upgrades, he THANKED me for it and took it with him! He complimented me on how wonderful our home smelled, how clean it was and how beautiful it was. He told me our spa would count toward our upgrades because it was in ground. He was impressed with our front and rear patios, including the view of the valley below. He commented on everything I showed him.

It was obvious to me, a lot of you were praying/keeping positive thoughts for a good appraisal, because he spent so much time with me and was so complimentary! I really felt like he would give us the best appraisal he could. Thank you everyone for your prayers. He told me he would do his best to give me our results by the Monday after Mother's Day.

I have a good feeling.... :)

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Appraiser cometh...

Got a phone call from the FDIC.  The appraiser will come tomorrow between 2pm and 4pm to appraise the house.  Keep all those fingers crossed....