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Picture taken by my friend Cyndi Leos....thank you Cyndi.

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year...Farewell 2011....

from google images

Happy New Year everyone
a new year, 2012
new beginnings
a fresh start
opportunities to seize
habits to break
new projects
begin exercising
keep that diet...
definitely 
a night of good intentions.

I wish all of you
health, happiness,
safe travels
and good times
with family and friends.

~dkb~



Thursday, December 22, 2011

Powerful....

 7 minute video


Woody Woodward was a 16 year old high school drop out who became a millionaire by age 26.  He made a movie entitled Iology (www.iologymovie.com) about the Laws of Importance and one's emotional fingerprint.

This video is from his movie. It is of Mary Louise Zeller ( fenix) who watched her child fall from a two story window.  The trauma of this incident lead her to answer an ad for Taekwondo,  a form of full contact martial arts.  At age 44, out of shape and depressed, her desire to go from the traumatic to the dramatic transformed her life.

Listen to her story, it is very powerful.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

To The Moon and Back...

Image from Pinterest

Answering a question as to why he cheated on his wife...

"We evaporated.
We used to always be
in a good mood...
All the time
we were laughing, joking,
wisting and making up songs.
Then we started to impersonate
ourselves being in a good mood...
Eventually,
we started impersonating ourselves.
We stopped describing
our future to one another...
What we had just evaporated...
I saw my assistant
and just felt a connection...
I went with it...
I told myself I wanted
what every one else had...
but what I really did
was give up
on a love 
everyone else wanted."

Ray Liotta
in
The Comeback Season

I always tell my husband I love him to the moon and back...
and that I am in love for the last time in my life.  
He tells me he is in love for the first time in his life...

Last night we watched the movie I quoted above, and this particular dialogue from the movie made me think about the commitment and effort it takes to keep a marriage from evaporating...
My husband and I just celebrated our tenth wedding anniversary... 
it zipped by, and we could not believe how fast the time went...
It made me grateful for what we have together in our relationship.

A big difference from my first marriage which ended after ten years and felt like it had been fifty.  
I always felt like my first husband spoke only Russian and I spoke English...we could not communicate. 
I always thought if I was open, honest and willing to discuss anything, we would have wonderful communication in our marriage, but I quickly learned, the one least capable of exposing one's feelings and thoughts, sets the tone of a couple's intimacy and communication.

I've lived long enough to realize no one is perfect. No matter how long we know someone prior to marriage or committing to live together, dynamics change and often it is not exactly how we thought it would be... but the stronger relationships, keep at it, adapt and work toward the bigger picture of becoming an "us". We are all unique and have our ups and downs.  The easier one can accept the differences between spouses, the better a couple gets along.  If one wants things 100% one's own way, all the time, then one should stay single.

My husband and I have different interests, preferences, moods and needs, but we have enough in common to alleviate any serious problems.  We both love to laugh and joke, which help us navigate through almost any situation.  Even when one of us is upset with the other, 90% of the time, it ends up with both of us laughing.

We never go through a day without telling or showing our love for one another and like I said, laughing.  We each compliment one another's strengths and weaknesses. My husband is very neat and tidy, which means I don't have to pick up after him.  Something I had to do constantly with my first husband, and I resented it immensely.  

Our home here is very peaceful and relaxing. It is our refuge. Our guests always comment on how well they sleep, how cozy and comfortable they feel when they come for a stay.  I always get a huge smile and feel warm and fuzzy inside when family and friends tell us this...

To be fair, I only knew my first husband four months before we eloped.  Nine months later, I was pregnant with my first daughter and then 9 months later, pregnant with my second.  My daughters were 18 months apart and kept me very busy.  In some ways, it was like having twins.  My first husband needed anger management classes, to say the least.  He had a very short fuse.  It was like living with a rattlesnake, I never knew when he would coil and strike with venomous words...

He wore a mask of calm and humor for the short time before we married; then shed it like a snake discards his skin quickly after, telling me it was all my fault.  Honestly, I married him because I wanted children.  My biological clock was banging so loudly, I dismissed all logic and reason because we both wanted marriage and children.  He wanted to be a good husband, provider and Father, but we had never taken the time to discuss what each of those things meant to each of us in any detail....only generalities and wishful thinking...

The reality of our differences soon became evident, but by then, we had two small daughters.  I worked nights and he worked days, so that helped prolong the marriage... but the distance between us were as deep and wide as the Grand Canyon...

Despite attempts at counseling, I realized I could no longer justify his behavior and allow my daughters to think it was OK for a man to treat a woman the way he was treating the girls and I.  I don't regret the marriage, for what it taught me, but more importantly, for giving me my two precious daughters.

I learned a lot raising my girls on my own.  I needed to know how strong and capable I was.  

When they were both grown and on their own, I met the man who is now my husband and the love of my life.  I had a home of my own and a good job.  All my friends and I felt I finally had arrived into the light at the end of the tunnel... 

My husband was divorced but still going through a nasty property settlement with a very angry, unhappy, ex-wife.  He was in debt and had two children under 18, with the older one repeatedly running away...  He had two other ex-wives and four grown sons with four grand children.  I needed a score card to keep everyone straight.  He jokes with me and asks, "Now what number wife are you?" and I always answer, "I am number 4-EVER!"

He had been through the mill during his twenty year marriage with his last wife.  She had kicked him out after meeting her new boyfriend, who she moved in to live with her and the two younger kids.  I won't go into details, but suffice it to say, it was like he had been through a war and had been emotionally  traumatized.  

I could see he had a good heart and was a kind, generous, family man. I really liked him and loved his laugh. We both needed and wanted a friend. I had disconnected myself from a fifteen year on again, off again relationship with my former boyfriend.  So we both were understandably reluctant to get into another relationship.  We were both looking for some fun companionship.

I had always pontificated the pearls of wisdom in starting a relationship with friendship rather than sexual attraction, but in my past, was too hung up on the attraction to follow through with my philosophy...maybe older and wiser, I was willing to pursue the friendship aspect.

We took it slow...so slow, we only hugged and barely kissed.  Both of us were extremely wary of reverting back to our prior mistakes...  six months after we met, we both knew we wanted to be exclusive and become a serious couple. We had taken the time to get to know one another and loved what we learned. A year later he proposed and we married one month after 911.
The day of our wedding, I never felt so calm and so sure of anything in my life...

Our biggest challenge has been our move here to Henderson, Nevada.  We came here for a better job opportunity for him in 2005.  Meanwhile, my oldest daughter had my first grand son and was pregnant with the second. Obviously, I did not want to leave them.  Financially, we needed to make this move.  He promised if I did not like it, we could move back... who knew the economy and and housing market would take a deep dive into a financial abyss....

I am happy within my marital relationship, yet I long to find contentment and happiness living where we live now...

Life happens, unfolding the cards it deals to each of us.  Our Pastor told me my place was with my husband, so we moved. Fourteen months ago, my younger daughter delivered my third grand son.  I know I still feel guilt in not being more available for both my daughters, helping with my grand sons... it haunts me.  Some times I attempt to take it out on my husband, who always tells me despite the financial loss we would suffer, if I really wanted to move back, we could...but we would both have to take jobs which would give us less time to spend with the kids.

One of the reasons I have not been blogging, is because I get tired of writing about this all the time.  I have convinced myself, because I no longer live close to my daughters and grand sons, I will not be happy and no longer have a purpose in life.  This attitude of mine is a burden.  It is not how I normally operate.  I have always done the best I could with what I had to deal with... until now...

I know I need to commit myself to making the best of it, rather than busying myself and feeling like I am  faking it.  Faking it is no way to live.

It seems everything I read, talks of warning the elderly from becoming isolated... and feeling isolated is exactly how I feel...

It would be easier for my emotional state to pack up and move back to California...but my husband and I are partners.  Being partners, we each look out for one another.  He is 72 and I am 64...definitely no longer spring chickens.  We have to be more mindful of our financial situation. We do not want to end up being a financial burden to our children... My husband retired a year ago last October after working in banking for over 50 years.  He has some health issues, so working again, may put additional pressure and stress back on him... I have a bad back which seems to get worse the older I get...besides, he deserves to be retired.  He has worked hard, raised six children and financially supported each one generously.

If we had not moved here, we would not be in any financial situation to retire.  In California, he had difficulty finding work which did not require a two hour commute time both ways.  We both worked full time with only the weekends to relax, making it also, the only time to see family.  

I sound like I am justifying.  Another reason I hate writing about this subject. Examining these feelings is painful and disturbing.  All my life I dreamed of having time to write and paint.  The blogging spiked my quest for realizing some of my creative endeavors and I did take some painting classes while my husband was working...Admitting I may be the problem for my unhappiness makes me want to pull the covers of denial tightly over my head...

Now I feel I have come to a dead end.  I make excuses for not being creative due to my loneliness for my family and the collection of stuff I cling to for sentimental reasons and from my attempts to busy myself faking my purpose...

I have stopped going to church.  I stopped my search to find some meaningful volunteer work after my disillusionment with Hospice training.  (I was being used more for my clerical talents than for the one on one patient care I had trained for.)  I don't pursue activities which would give us more opportunities to meet other couples or friends for each of us. More and more I stay inside, rather than going outside, doing things I enjoy doing. If it wasn't for my dog Izzy, I would rarely see the light of day... I spend too much time dwelling on feeling sorry for myself...

I could be pouring my pent up feelings into abstract art and writing my poetry more often...instead I have allowed it all to bottle up and dam itself, clogging my life like a storm drain.

My goal is to get it all out...expose myself for the weak, procrastinating, quitter I am... in hopes my inner strength and courage will rise, take hold and propel me in some positive, self healing, productive direction so I can relieve myself from all the guilt and unhappiness I feel.

Just like any good relationship, it is working through the good, the bad and the ugly. We are all selfish, but it means putting myself in my partner's position and seeing things from his perspective and visa versa.  It is realizing I have raised my daughters and now they continue in the circle of life, raising their families. It is my time... and why, do I feel so selfish in saying that?

Part of my problem is the fact I always saw my life purpose as being a successful full time Mother and Grandmother.  I only dreamed of pursuing my creative endeavors... 

Am I fooling myself?  
Are those dreams really important to me?  
By not trying to fulfill all my life's dreams, am I not living fully? 
Am I afraid of failing at my creative dreams? 
Am I making excuses to keep from moving forward?
Is it safer to cling to the more familiar pursuit of being a good mother? 
Why do I feel so guilty?
Why do I feel I have abandoned my family?
Is that why I feel so isolated?
If we did move back, where would we live? Other than our loved ones and the beach, there is no real attraction to California... 
Why do I hesitate in giving myself permission to be happy?
Is being closer to family the only way I can feel happy?
Am I selling myself short?
Have I really tried to make the best of it here?
Do I need some counseling?
Does any of this make any sense?

We have lived here six years the end of this coming January... I should think my "empty nest syndrome" should have worked itself out by now...if, that is what it is...

I shared my thoughts with a very dear blogging friend and she told me it took her ten years...  At least I live close enough to drive to see them and it only takes up to 4 hours...( here I go justifying again...)

I feel I have written myself into a corner...a feeling I have been having a lot lately...hence, the reason for my blogging break...I am not sure where this post is suppose to go from here.  Often, this is where I click on view blog instead of publish post and keep my feelings in draft for myself.  Keeping my feelings to myself will not help me get to where I want to go...which is, to the moon and back...

Friday, November 18, 2011

We Are The Choices We Make...

"We are the choices we make...

No one understands 
when a woman 
makes the choice
 to marry and
 have children,
 in a way,
 her love begins
 and one way, it stops...

You build a life
 of details
 and you just STOP
 and STAY STEADY
 so that your children can move...
and when they leave, 
they take your life and details with them...

You are expected
 to move on again,
 but you don't remember
 what it was that moved you
 because no one 
has asked you in so long...
not even yourself...  

You never think
 love like this
 is going to happen to you...
and you want to keep it forever."


Meryl Streep, 
The Bridges of Madison County



Friday, November 4, 2011

Rain...

It's raining...I am cozy inside our home, Izzy is asleep on the back of the couch.  My husband, his friend and his oldest son are out doing what guys enjoy doing... I was invited, but declined.  I am satisfied to visit some blogs and listen to the rain through my open front door.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend...

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Checking in with updates...

Hello everyone!

I can't believe how fast the time has flown by since I last wrote... we have been busy doing things around the house, traveling and having lots of company.  Some of our home changes were because we wanted to and some because we had to...like blown CFI circuits.  We also need to do some exterior painting of the house.  We are in the process of finding out the the colors we need from our community center, then get on the hunt for a reasonable and reliable house painter...

We were debating on putting in wooden floors, but decided instead to clean the carpets, tile, grout and then reseal the grout.  We took some of our old furniture and sent it to the consignment shop.  They pick up for $35 but take that amount out of the first sale.  We split the price of the furniture and they send us a check at month's end.

We found a nice round table with three legs at the consignment store which will become an end table in the corner between the couch and the new entertainment center.  Since my husband relented and agreed to get rid of the TV console we bought three or four years ago, and purchase the entertainment center I wanted all along, we agreed he could pick out the new coffee table and end table.  He has scratched up both his legs below the knee from walking into the corners of the old coffee table...so he wanted an oval one with smooth edges.  He also bought two bar stools and we both helped in putting them together...

New entertainment center (hubby watching Apocalypto) with round end table in the corner... we needed an entertainment center no wider than six feet and no taller than six feet and this one filled the bill nicely.

Oval coffee table with smooth edges... (memory jar we started, writing down all our happy, fun and grateful memories)

End table beside my rose recliner...

Our "do it yourselves" bar stools...

We took a trip to Tucson, Arizona to visit our good friends.  We had so much fun.  While sight seeing our "old haunts" and my old apartment complex, we were caught in a typical rain/thunder and lightning storm.  I even caught a pic of some lightning... We saw the memorial for police killed in the line of duty, which started with my former fiance who was killed October 28, 1974.  Four other officers were killed since his death, the last one in 2008.  I had not been back to Tucson since 1975, when I moved back to California...


My husband's cousin and his wife came to stay with us for a week from their home in New York.  We took them up and down the Strip, to Lake Las Vegas, and to some restaurants they had never heard of.  The wife wanted to zip line above Fremont Street, which is a new, very popular activity for downtown.  We also took a bus to the west end of the Grand Canyon in Arizona and walked on the Skywalker at Eagle Point.  The glass u shaped structure extends from the edge of the canyon 70 feet and rises 4000 feet above the floor of the Grand Canyon.  It was spectacular! It was also my first time seeing the Grand Canyon...

 Sitting on the see through walk way of the Skywalker above the west side of the Grand Canyon...called, Eagle Point (see it in new header photo).

 Last week I was in California visiting my family. We celebrated the 7 year olds birthday, my Dad's 91st, Trick or Treated with the grand kids and my sister and I took Mom to lunch.  This weekend we are spending Saturday night at the MGM to see the Eagles in concert.  It is our tenth wedding anniversary gift.  There will be fourteen of us.  I fully expect to be hoarse from singing the next morning...

Now that the weather is cooling off, it will be easier to go through all the rest of the stuff in the garage to donate or sell.  We are really on a roll.  I have room in the garage to exercise with my hula hoop and jump rope.  My husband and I have decided to go up to the gym and work out together.  I am taking daily walks with Izzy, and so far, no coyotes...

That is all for now...we are busy beavers these days and it feels good to be so productive. I have found it is a real challenge to keep up with both creative pursuits, house work and staying in touch with family and friends. The more I eliminate the easier the upkeep giving me more time blogging and painting...

I look forward to getting back in the groove and visiting my blogging friends, seeing what you all have been up to....

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

A Tribute To Steve Jobs....


I really like this quote... RIP Steve Jobs and thank you so much for investing your life so productively and following your dreams.  You made this world a better place.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

A Drop in the Toilet...

We have been in Tucson, Arizona since Monday.  Just before leaving our home, I dropped my new smart phone in the toilet.  I had it in my back pocket... I will NEVER make that mistake again...

So I delayed us leaving because I took the phone apart and dried as much as I could with my hair dryer on cool...then I packed it in a bag of rice (to soak up the moisture) and took it in the car with us.  I held it on my lap so the sun would bake it...

Called Verizon...because I have insurance, only to discover my co-pay to replace my phone will be $99!!!  I thought it would be $50 max.  I am so canceling my ins...what a rip.  When I got the cell phone it was less than $99.

I was able to dry out the phone so I can call, get calls, text and get texts...but I don't think my navigation is working or the short cut bar on the home page of my cell phone screen...I will need a new one...

Been going around all week without a cell phone...and I have to say, I have kind of enjoyed it.

We have one more day with our friends, then we leave early Saturday morning for Thousand Oaks, CA.  We should be back home on Monday.

We have been having THE BEST TIME with our friends... my girlfriend and I have been friends for 43 years.  We've met some of their friends and have just been having the most fun!

More later...hugs to all of you...

Sunday, September 25, 2011

A Demonstration of the Power of a Mother's Love...

There is no explanation necessary...you will not be sorry you watched this video...it may even change your life...

Friday, September 23, 2011

Random Acts of Kindness...

Two days ago, we learned my husband's ex-wife died.  Her funeral will be Sunday, October 2nd in Thousand Oaks, CA.  She was a wonderful, loving and giving woman.  She and I became friends and I cannot believe at 68, she is gone...

We leave Monday for Tucson to visit good friends of ours.  We have really been looking forward to this trip.  We will spend five days with our friends, then leave the 1st of October, and drive from Tucson, Arizona to Thousand Oaks.  We will stay with one of my husband's best friends, who live there, and attend the funeral on Sunday.  We should be home on Monday...

In her honor, I intend to do random acts of kindness for 68 days.  She was a daughter, a sister, a mother, a step mother to three little boys, a grand mother, a friend to many, a caregiver, a registered nurse and always, always, always, thought of others first. She was a gifted woman with many talents in flower arranging, sewing, decorating, gardening, crafts, cooking and making a house into a beautiful home.  She loved to shop at Coldwater Creek, taking pride in her appearance. She looked so stylish each time I saw her.

Her family was her pride and joy.  When we were together, her face would light up as we shared stories of our mutual grand children. She loved to laugh, looking for the humor in everything...She enjoyed making special gifts for the grand kids and always remembered each of their birthdays. She loved animals and the elderly. She volunteered her time to help the elderly who were unable to pay for the excellent care she gave so generously.

She was a survivor and a warrior.  She fought hard times and huge emotional challenges. I have tremendous admiration and respect for her...

Rest in peace dear friend...you were loved and you will be remembered.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Magpie #82: Be Gone

The Revenant 1949 by Andrew Wyeth

Photo suggested by Tess Kincaid
Challenge and hostessed by Magpie Tales

He still comes to me
in my dreams
beckoning me
with his ruffled collar
knowing I would
always
smooth it down...

I don't know where he is
I stopped taking his calls
years ago...
I had to stop
the madness...

Yet he still finds me...
haunts me...
with his intensity...
"Come on baby...
I need you to calm me down..."

I needed to laugh
to dance
to explore...

He always wore white
but his thoughts 
were the deepest black...

I can't help you anymore...
be gone!

~dkb~



Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Marine Has Landed...

I will taking a break for a couple of weeks.  My step-son joined the Marines and flew in today for a five day visit.  He was told to "be ready" any time between October and January to leave for boot camp. The first two weeks, he is not allowed any contact with the outside world.  After the two weeks, he can receive letters. 

We don't know if he will be here for Christmas so we want to enjoy our time with him before he leaves. He will celebrate his 21st birthday this April. If he has leave, he said he would want to come back to celebrate with us.

What a difference already.  He no longer eats "junk food" or carbs, soda, or chips.  The Marines require him to do PT twice a week and test once a month.  He works out six times per week "for his own preservation".  His spiky, stylish hair is all shaved to a "1".  He still looks so handsome...

The end of the week, we will all travel together to California to celebrate Jacob's first birthday. Jacob has four teeth on the top and four on the bottom now, cutting some other ones.  Still has peach fuzz on his head, but he walking! Where the heck did this past year go???

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Never Be Afraid...


quote found on Pinterest


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Remembering Precious Times...


painted by artist Joyce Sloan

This watercolor hangs in my guest bedroom. I bought it years ago because the two girls looked so much like my two daughters, Holly and Jodee.  Often, I look at it going back in time when the girls were young and I was filled with purpose. An abundance of determination to help them become all they wanted to be...

It was financially challenging being a single mom but I loved every minute raising my precious girls...
It's all I ever wanted to be was a good mother...

Now, I am blessed to be a grandmother... Holly has two sons and Jodee's son will be soon be one year old this month.  Both are devoted, loving moms...

Knowing my daughters are living this parental adventure with their spouses raising up their sons together
helping them become all they can be gives me a happy heart. 


Sunday, September 4, 2011

Enlightenment...


Love the opportunity to learn...
embrace your mistakes.

~dkb~

Friday, September 2, 2011

Pinterest and Me....

As some of you may have noticed, I have not been blogging as regularly as I was... I would like to tell you I have been keeping my nose in the gym, doing the treadmill every day, learning to swim, and losing weight... alas, that is not what I have to report.  I have been working around the house, the yard, throwing out my back, you know, my normal routine... However....

I have discovered the world of Pinterest.  Many of you already know about it.  Typical of me...once I discover something I like, I throw myself into it totally.  If you look on my side bar, you will see a pic of "Pinterest takes me to my happy place".  You can click on it and see what I have been doing on Pinterest.

My original interest, was to find some cute quotes to use on my blog.  Not only did I find quotes, but such cute, original ones, I went a little bonkers.... At first I could not figure out how to pin and re-pin etc, so I saved images, quotes to my computer picture files.  After a short while, I was getting quite a collection...so I began to google and read how to use Pinterest, where I could use Pinterest to save my images and quotes (pinning them to my Pinterest boards) instead of taking up space on my computer.  Much better.

It's all my sister Holly's fault.  She is the one who kept sending me all the cute stuff she found on Pinterest.  I had never heard of it before... I went on Pinterest strictly as something to share with my dear sister... and the rest is history.

Needless to say, it has taken up all my free time.  I have to admit, it has motivated me to cook some new recipes, do a couple creative projects (I will post them later) and get me out searching for recycled items I have seen on Pinterest to make... so it has been a creative avenue...just one which has taken me off course with my blogging....

Eventually, what I learn and make on Pinterest I will share with all of you... until then, if you do go check out Pinterest... "Happy pinning!"  Everyone please have a fun, safe, Labor Day weekend!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Magpie #79: Day at the Beach...

Undated photo, found in a Missouri antique shop

Photo presented by Tess Kincaid
Hostessed and challenge by Magpie Tales

sardines are we,
six siblings 
one by one
giggling, packing ourselves
into the family car...

mom counting so
none are left behind
dad revving us up
with enthusiasm
for a day
at the beach

keeping the windows down
was our air conditioning
the hour ride seemed
longer as the heat
of the day fills in
any extra space

fighting, boredom, frustration
was solved as
dad drove slowly 
up and down
the street in front
of the ocean
searching for a parking spot

united,
 we begged
and pleaded
for any spot...
"just let us out"
"drop us off"
"pleeeeaaaase dad...."

satisfied we were ready
and grateful
he parked as we
peeled our bare legs
off seats
extricating ourselves
and ran gleefully,
deliriously
onto the warm sand
for a memorable day
of family fun...

~dkb~



Saturday, August 20, 2011

Tree Swing...

Photo from Google.com 
pic posted by Nell Hartz on Pinterest

Who can resist
a tree swing?
A simple time machine
back to one's youth...

~dkb~

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Monday, August 15, 2011

Magpie #78: Her Life...


Photo prompt by Tess Kincaid
Hostesses and challenge by Magpie Tales

like old used 
brushes and rollers
in a closet,
her life
lies waiting
without purpose
 unpainted
a project started
 and pushed aside
lacking motivation
to make it all it could be...

her creativity stifled
in what needs to be painted, 
longing for brighter colors, 
better days, 
her mind drifts back 
 when her life had aspirations...

 bittersweet memories
of raising her children
alone in her strength

having worked most
of her life
"it felt right"
occasionally complaining
like everyone else,
but it always 
shot her out of bed each morning
recharged
 keeping her organized, on task
and happy...

was the marriage 
after  the kids moved out,
a mistake?
her doubts began
when he wanted to move away
away from her family and children
knowing they were her everything...

retired now, they both feel regret
him knowing her unhappiness
she, feeling stuck...

growing older
less physically capable
further away to ask for help
less income
 depression
less options
less conversation
gas prices soaring
less travel to visit
buyer's market
fragile economy
government turmoil
investments dropping
bleaker future
less in common

fewer phone calls and face time
as young families get on with living
raising children and working...

life goes on
like a raging river
swim or sink
this isn't how
she thought her life would be

some times
getting older
feels like 
waiting to die...

her spirit needs inspiration
her mind needs goals
her heart needs interaction
her soul needs a purpose...

her hope
like her eye sight
is dwindling...

thinking of the difference
between those with an action plan
and those without
should be as easy 
as "just doing it"
unless one is lying down...

procrastination is a rusty, 
tangled wire wrapping tighter
the more her denial
of her reality
overwhelms her...
she'd drink 
if it were her inclination...

instead, naps are her escape hatch
as her hand slams the closet door shut
pushing it from her mind,
"There will be no painting today."

~dkb~


Sunday, August 14, 2011

Magpie #77: Her Soft Place to Fall...

Edward Hopper, 1947, Summer Evening
Photograph presented by Tess Kincaid
Hostessed challenge by Magpie Tales

it always was sexual
between them...
it was the magnet
which drew them together...

at first,
she reveled in the headiness
of their chemistry,
feeling the power
in his attraction...

knowing his eyes
were always
upon her body,
wanting her...

every woman
needs to feel
this abandon
at least once...

its good.
very good.
but she wanted more...

not a ring...
not commitment...

she knew they couldn't
stay apart long enough
to get to know
one another

she knew he would hold her back
the way men do when you're all they have
he wasn't curious, ambitious or handy
he was her soft place to fall...

~dkb~


Saturday, August 13, 2011

Coyote Walk...



7:45am
ominous clouds over northern mountains
overcast
slight breeze
good walking weather...

eery silence
distant airplane
alternating gait thump
from my walking stick
jingling of Izzy's tags...

peeping of quails
hedge trimmer humming
one street over
clear blue skies boasting
white fleeting clouds
over southern mountains...


complete stillness
breeding strange instincts
as I connect
to the environment...

this Saturday morning
 we walk alone...

hark! a neighbor
and his Burmese,
 dog friendly, cat, Rocky...

the cat greets us
with anticipatory joy
scampering across the street
talking, asking
for attention
Izzy balks, confused,
barks
stands beside me
rigid
with downward tail...

I stroke Rocky's belly
converse and enjoy 
his loud purr...

I inquire 
on coyote sightings...
"none in years"
my neighbor responds...

I share the coyote kill
of almost two months ago
informing also
of the mountain lion kill 
three weeks ago...

just then,

a coyote, with
beautiful large pointed ears
bushy tail
lean body
with camouflage colors
trots in
from the back of my neighbor's yard...

I warn my neighbor
as he scoops up Rocky...

the coyote
sniffs the air
smelling the scent
of Izzy and Rocky
focusing on us
standing its ground

I take my dog whisperer
powerful stance
one arm on my hip
one arm stretched out
gripping my walking stick...

intense
maternal instincts
surge through me,
strengthening me
as I ready for battle...

still,
the coyote stands firm
then moves
closer...

my neighbor remarks
"its not scared is it?"

nope.

flipping my walking stick
I tap noisily on the street...

nothing.

instinctively, we rush forward
stomping our feet
moving toward it...

the coyote
nimbly lopes across the yard
into the back yard
of his next door neighbor
and we watch
as he jumps down
off a block wall
into a back yard neighbors yard

Another neighbor
comes outside
telling us he just saw 
a coyote in his back yard...

we talk
concerned
yet realizing
the reality
living within
and among wild life...

they were, here first...

I call my husband
wanting him to 
regret not walking with us,
 instead
he tells me he
is driving to pick me up...

Izzy and I continue up
the street
a female neighbor comes outside
telling me a coyote
was lying in wait
for her neighbor's three cats
it has happened before
the coyote knows
the cats are there...

I ask my husband
to drive along
while we walk
as another neighbor
walks up with his dog

after telling him
he concludes it is the
same coyote who
killed our neighbor's Yorkie
he said it was a female coyote...

I regret 
not taking a picture
of the coyote
with my cell phone...

yet wonder
if the male neighbor
had not been with me...

outside, the wind now
is whipping about,
dark cloud haze
with stop and start
rain...

perfect weather
for hunting...

~dkb~ 


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

What's Been Goin' On...

Hello dear blogging friends...just a quick update to check in and let you know what has been going on in our house...

My cell phone died the day before I was to pick up my girlfriend Jan, visiting from Missouri, at the airport.  I had to order a new one, and in my haste to hurry up and order one to get it delivered the next day, I dove deep into BUYER'S REMORSE...

Received the new Samsung Revolution the next day, and turned it back in Saturday, unopened.  Traded it for a special offer on a Samsung Continuum, which is just like the Samsung Fascinate, only skinnier and has a ticker display on the bottom of the screen.  So far, I really like it.  My first "smart phone".

Two days after Jan arrived, my sister Holly, girlfriend Bonnie arrived for another Creative weekend.  They drove straight to Barb's house and Jan and I met them there, after we spent three hours at the Verizon store getting my new phone...

Had a blast with all the girls...we went to the MGM and saw the baby lions.  Holly and I had our picture taken with 60lb "Buddy".  We also went to the Bellagio Conservatory and took pictures of the latest display.  Here are a few pictures below...

Buddy, who was fed ground up meat in a bottle in between pics to keep him happy.

Handlers inside the Lion enclosure...

Handler watching as Lion gnaws on plastic ball... (see all the teeth marks?)

These guys are either crazy or very vulnerable...

Pictures below are from the Bellagio Conservatory...




Made of flowers

Parrots inside the bird sanctuary

Koi fish in a pond


Barbs, me, Jan, my sister Holly and Bonnie

We collaborated on our laptops....(did a lot of admiring on Pinterest)

We took pictures of clouds...(can you see the horse?)

We took pictures of sunsets...

We posed for pictures...to imitate a poster...

We designed cups, baked them, but forgot to seal them...so some of us lost our design when we put it in the dishwasher...

We made apple crisp to go in small jars

We made lanterns with coarse salt and votive candles to hang on fences or tree branches...

We mixed colors and made scented bath salts

My sister and Bonnie left Tuesday the 25th of July and Jan left at the end of the month on the 29th.

My husband's friend arrived the evening of the 29th to stay the weekend to celebrate his 70th birthday.  We had a family BBQ on Saturday night.  He drove home Monday morning.  My husband's son was in town on business, so he stopped by two nights to visit and join in on the birthday celebrations...

My Mom and Dad celebrated their 66th wedding anniversary on August 4th.  Dad is in a nursing home and Mom has been down with a sore back since April...Dad will be 91 in November and Mom is 84.

Friday, August 5th, 12 of our family caravaned up to Mammoth Lakes, CA for the weekend.  Eight adults and six teenagers.  We met our friends at the  Mammoth house.  What a great time we had!  The house was incredible!  Being among all the pine trees, sitting out on that deck enjoying nature was a masterful, soulful experience.  Lots of good food and laughter...

View from the front window...

From the back balcony...

Fishing up at Mary's Lake...


Up the hill, looking down on the family fishing...

Several of us looking at our pictures on the kitchen table...

No great weekend is complete, without Smores...cooked on the back balcony

We also went to Twin Lakes, June Lake, Convict Lake (had a nice dinner there too) and Silver Lake.  Everyone except for our friends Ray and Lana, Jerry and I, went to Yosemite on Sunday.  They had a great day except for a controlled brush fire, which make their pictures kind of smokey...

We got home Monday in the early afternoon and picked up Izzy from boarding.  I have been busy doing laundry and getting unpacked.

Yesterday, the nursing home called.  Dad was taken to the hospital for some tests as he had been throwing up.  By 5pm, they determined he was fine...only his potassium was a little elevated.  We think he over ate for breakfast.  Apparently he ate a big breakfast and then asked for a large fruit plate...

This weekend we will relax and take it easy.  Next week, my youngest daughter Jodee, her honey Jeff and son, baby Jacob, will be in town.  She is here on business, so Jeff will come visit with Jacob during the day.  We will meet them at their hotel for dinner a couple of nights...I will watch the baby while they go out for a few hours.  I cannot believe Jacob will be one year old next month!

I hope to attempt to catch up and visit some blogs this weekend...big hugs to you all!