I was drawn to the book, my the title. Images came to my mind in quick, psychic flashes. The hair rose on the back of my neck. My instincts knew there were answers here... I picked up the book and read the first paragraph, inside the book jacket...
" Within every woman there is a wild and natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. Her name is Wild Woman, but she is an endangered species. Though the gifts of wildish nature come to us at birth, society's attempt to "civilize" us into rigid roles has plundered this treasure, and muffled the deep life-giving messages of our own souls. Without Wild Woman, we become over-domesticated, fearful, uncreative, trapped."
Her words made me feel like years of locked doors were opening...
I value books. Often when I sense I am at a personal or creative crossroads, I seek out inspiration and motivations from their pages. I trust the wisdom of the woman before me to assist me, guide me, often, catapulting me into another level of enlightenment....to set me on the right path...
Clarissa Estes is a Jungian analyst and cantadora (keeper of old stories) storyteller. She uses these stories, chosen over twenty years of research, to revitalize women, in helping them find the voices of their souls...
Opening the book, I sensed something important about to happen, as my fingers skimmed over the passage....as I read...
"A starved soul can become so filled with pain, a woman can no longer bear it. Because women have a soul-need to express themselves in their own soulful ways, they must develop and blossom in ways that are sensible to them and without molestation from others. In this sense, the key with blood could be said to also represent a woman's bloodlines that have gone before her. Who among us does not know at least one female loved-one who lost her instincts to make good choices for herself, and was forced therefore to live a marginal life or worse? Perhaps you yourself are that woman."
Those words reached off the page and grabbed me, shook me. I had been struggling in a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage. Our two little girls would often cry from his angry outbursts. It was truly the lowest point in my life. I knew the marriage was over...
I felt I had lost myself. After the first year, I knew it was a mistake, but by then, I was 3 months pregnant with our first child. At first, I did not want to leave because of the children. Later, I could not stay for the sake of them. I did not want my daughters to think it was acceptable, for a man to treat a woman, the way he treated me.
Her words validated my decision to leave my marriage, even if I was the first in my family to do so. Her words assured me, I already had everything I needed, to make a life on my own.
Consciously and unconsciously, her book spurred me on, making me realize I was building something durable, strong and long lasting, from a broken family...something clicked, and I got it. I worked hard and squeezed every penny out of the word, frugal. I refused to allow lousy jobs define me. I vowed to be positive and not allow it to bring me down. I had struggled to keep our heads above the financial waters, often working two jobs. All my power and energy were generated by the love for my daughters. Despite my counselor's advice, to do it first for me, my girls were my only focus. I was determined to be the best Mother I could be and teach them all I had learned.
At night, I would pray, journal and read. It kept me steadfast. I did some painting. Filling my soul and spirit were as important as saving money to buy us a home. Another book, SIMPLE ABUNDANCE: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach, helped me reach a determined focus to find that home.
In the next twelve years, I had secured a good paying job with benefits, bought a house, and watched with pride as both my daughters graduated from High School. I stopped thinking I could not get what I wanted by being alone.
It took me all those years after my divorce to achieve my goal of independence and self reliance. I had learned, the time it takes to reach a goal, no matter how long, is worth it. Time passes anyway. I would still end up fifty-two years old, regardless... so why not achieve my goals?
Nothing compares to challenging yourself and reaching a goal. Nothing is sweeter than that...and it was a sweet day, when the girls and I moved into our home. A home, I bought on my own, with money I earned. It was a moment in my life, when I savored all we had conquered together. I knew I was strong, but this was powerful for me. I was thankful and knew I had changed my life forever...
How about you? What tools and challenges helped guide you into a more fulfilling life?
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