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Picture taken by my friend Cyndi Leos....thank you Cyndi.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Self discipline, it appears, is where my focus needs to be...

Some times it seems like my life is one huge, whirling hurricane of energy and thought.  Spinning along, gathering momentum and speeding to generate productive creativity.  My focus is to suck up all the creative flow possible, yet still able to handle it.  Often, while in this state, everything else goes to hell in total chaos.  The dog does not get exercised, housework put on the proverbial back burner, food is not prepared, and beds are not made. I am usually in my pajamas on such days, complete with "bed head" from not even running a brush through my hair or visiting my make up bag...

It's all about me and the computer.  My fingers typing as fast as possible with my eyes dry from forgetting to blink.  Embracing the creative energy that hypnotizes me into a obsessed focus.  Giving the dog chew bones to keep her busy and leaving the door to the backyard open for her to come and go as she pleases.  Coming out of my trance only when my husband calls on his way home asking what is for dinner...

He understands me, thank God. So these irresponsible, compulsive, self indulgent episodes are tolerated as long as it does not happen several days in a row.  On such days, my daughters and friends will call and ask why they haven't heard from me.  It is isolating to write and to paint.  The realization of the importance to get myself out of doors and to stay connected to loved ones, is a never ending challenge for balance. Living 250 miles away adds to the perplexing power of a creative vacuum.

There are also those days when my attention must be dialed in to the lists of projects stacked upon my desk. The necessity for order within my chaos, has always been a Quixotic quest.  As my astrological sign projects a set of twins, it can be an easy explanation as to my, all or nothing at all, approach.

That same whirling force is present when deadlines have escaped me and have come to pass... Then, at break-neck speed, everything, all the household is put in order in one day.  Those times leave me incapacitated for several days from generally throwing out my back.  Hard headed?  Yes, in deed.  It would be so much easier to be methodical, organized, scheduled, and have my life running much more efficiently when having a job took up most of my time...

Being retired, having a husband working all day, and not too many friends to "hang with", has been the root of my disregard for daily schedules...all my former time and motion studies for a more efficient and productive life  have been hurled into the unknown somewhere....

Self discipline, it appears, is where my focus needs to be...

4 comments:

Just Words On A Page said...

I am going to be reading you. Like your words they have meaning and resonate with me.

Marylinn Kelly said...

I think we have a choice...self discipline or self acceptance, not that it is a strict matter of one or the other, but if we follow our heart or whatever calls to the truest part of us we will discover that we have taken a different path than the one we always heard people-who-do-it-right follow. It is not by accident that you are pulled to your keyboard, that you are finding your life suddenly populated with kindred spirits. Something wants to speak through you; you have been chosen. When we honor that voice, we are not lazy or disorganized, we are living our purpose and I say our best choice is to embrace it.

Donna B said...

Just Words On a Page...thank you, and if my words resonate and have meaning to you, then please, by all means stop by often and contribute. The older I get, the more I find we need one another more than ever. It really is a small world. I hope you come back soon.

Donna B said...

Thank you so much Marylinn...you honor me with your words and insight. Thank you. Often, we really have to trust our gut and inner whispers and follow them to see where they lead. I am so excited with the woman gathering here...I feel something wonderful and spiritual is about to happen. A real awakening and joining of souls...let us form a sisterhood of seekers...
Welcome one and all...