On Self-Knowledge...

by Kahlil Gibran

Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.

But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.

You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.

You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.

And it is well you should.

The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;

And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.

But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;

And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.

For self is a sea boundless and measureless.

Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."

Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."

For the soul walks upon all paths.

The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.

The soul unfolds itself like a lotus of countless petals.

I see you...

I liked what

the blue Navi people

said to one another

upon greeting

in the movie

AVATAR...

"I see you"

To be accepted

and 

respected

totally

as you are.

It was

as if

they could

see

deep within

one's soul

and feel

the 

intention.

Kind of

like 

our blogs...

On Children...

by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them,

but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children

as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,

and He bends you with His might

that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,

so He loves also the bow that is stable.

We're building our retirement from the bottom up...

Our three days to cancel the Reverse Mortgage are up today.  Our specialist phoned.  We needed to sign two more pages in our inch thick loan paperwork.  Apparently, when the Notary FED EX'd it to the Title Company, those two pages were missing. The Specialist went to my husband's work to have him sign and offered to come to our home for mine.  I told him I would meet him at his office, which is right down the street.

The Reverse Mortgage is the base of our retirement structure.  We have an appointment this weekend with our financial advisor, to make the best of what funds we have left from all the economic downfall.  We are going to see a Tax specialist to review the past two years of taxes to see if there were any mistakes and how we can improve our situation and plan for retirement.

I am examining all our expenses to see how we can eliminate or reduce spending. Does anyone know of a website or blog on how to minimize expenses?  I need to find a good resource for "greening" our utilities...to save energy and money...

We have already gone through all of our insurance plans for expiration dates and determining which to keep and which to let go...

I want to have a big yard sale with my daughter in law to sell what we don't need.  Our goal is to simplify, purge and eliminate extra weight.  Each year I will have the upcoming Spring as my goal to prepare for selling the house.

I will be applying for my Social Security soon in preparation for my husband's retirement...

Onward and upward...

Aaaa-CHOOOO!!

 

I am paying the price

for walking Izzy in the wind

 the past several days.

My eyes are itchy,

 my nostrils are dried out

 and I am SNEEZING MY HEAD OFF!

From now on,

 I think I will wear the above

for any future walks in the wind...

The Meaning of Life...

I think we all

want basically

the same thing:

to be loved

to be respected

to feel worthwhile

to be appreciated

to share

to help

to feel good

to feel accomplished

to find one's self

to do something creative

or important

to make a difference
in an other's life

to be remembered...

I think

life gets complicated

when the ego

 becomes a priority.

When blame,

bitterness

& resentment

fill
each
waking
hour
and
deafens
the ear
and blinds the eye.

When injustice

steals a life

by force,
way
too
soon
and
knocks
the life force
from
all
who
loved.

When pain or disease

twist

& warp
the
best of
intentions
to
avoid
imprisonment
of
a
soul.

No one

in good consciousness
wants
to watch
 a loved one

suffer

When we give

ourselves away
too soon
selling
short
&
settling
instead

of

taking the time

to
appreciate
ourselves.

We must have tools:

faith

hope
positive attitude
empathy

humor
compromise

self reliance
character
integrity

peace...

We come into this world

prewired by our genetics

molded by our parents...

The lucky ones

are loved
&

 lead by
example.

We learn constantly
directly
&
indirectly

filtering

questioning

evaluating
striving
to
be
who
we
were
meant
to be.

We must have

boundaries
&
freedom
to
find
fairness.

~~ dkb

Where am I?

I don't know what is wrong with me.  Is this a period of discontent?  Today, I feel like a lousy Mother, a worse Grand Mother, a rotten friend...I feel disconnected and emotionally marooned on some deserted island...

I spoke with my eldest daughter this morning.  She is planning my youngest daughter's baby shower in August. About all I can offer is to foot the bill and of course attend, bringing gifts. My daughter is extremely capable, yet, I would like to be there to help with the planning and helping... (Sounds like a pity party for me, feeling "left out".)

She reminded me, when we lived in California, my husband and I both worked.  My eldest daughter had to plan her own shower and again, I helped with the expenses...She really can handle it on her own.  I would most likely be in her way...but she would appreciate me watching the boys so she could get things done...I AM really good at playing with the boys...

Maybe it is a double whammy for me now...not only do I live further away, but now I have plenty of time on my hands, don't work, and can't see my family as often as I'd like. I can talk to them every day, like I did when I lived there, but some how its not the same...

We were so close to moving back...but financially, we need to stay another two to five years, hoping the market will improve.  We'll probably have to rent when we return...I really don't care.  I just want to feel whole again...

We moved here for financial reasons.  It has been a good situation for us and our future.  Actually, I see my girls and grand kids more now, ironically, then when we lived there.  Giving our house away and not being mindful of our future nest egg, is not something we can do without serious consequences.  Not when we are months away from my husband's retirement... Still I feel like a "fish out of water" not being closer to my girls...

I need to get a life... The girls have BEEN MY LIFE for the past twenty eight years, I was never more than 45 minutes away. For almost five years since moving here, I just can't seem to get in a groove...

My youngest daughter is expecting her first son the end of September and my oldest daughter's boys are now seven and five....where did the time go? I can never get it back...

They each have their own families and are the independent, capable women I raised them to be.... I just never planned on living this far away when my grand kids came along. I miss them terribly, despite how good my daughters are about keeping me informed of their lives and what cute things the boys are saying or doing...I feel guilty living here...so far away... I have still not come to terms about living here...

I know I am still an important part of their lives...yet, I feel so abnormal.  Maybe I have been having "Empty Nest" syndrome...it's kind of like being on an extended vacation.  It's very difficult to explain...and I probably sound like a lunatic.

How does one dismiss and abandon negative thought?  How does one dismantle lousy feelings and moods?
How do I disconnect from all that is unproductive and depressing? How do I make the best of a bad situation? How do I justify looking out for our future in matters of the heart?  We don't want to be a burden on our kids...so we HAVE to look out for our future...right?

I want to go back to bed...not to sleep, but to climb into an escape hatch like Alice in Wonderland's rabbit hole...

Keep it simple..

I visited Tabitha at http://www.ichoosebliss.net/  Reading her Ten Commandments and her Spiritual To Do List, it made me think how much we can complicate our lives.  When I read her blog, I feel peace within.  I feel calm.  I can take a deep breath and just let out a wonderful, deep, sigh...

Its the simple things and the little things that make such a difference in our lives:

a hug

a smile

shared laughter

holding hands

watching a baby sleep

being held by a child

waking up to a new day

sunrises

sunsets

a walk

a nap

a phone call

a friend

looking up to a blue sky

 white fluffy clouds

feeling pain free

a kiss

sharing time with a loved one

petting a cat

playing with a dog

a knowing glance from across a room

the bloom of a flower

a cup of coffee

a spot of tea

a child after a bath

grand kids laughter

children's laughter

a love note

a thank you note

brownies in the oven

toes in the sand

listening to the whistle of wind

 the scent of pine trees

a gentle breeze on a hot day

love

friendship

kinship

an answered prayer

enlightenment

joy

quiet

a good book

journaling

painting

coloring

a task done well

accomplishment

compliments

contentment

atonement

an apology

gratitude

feeling comfortable

thankfulness

clarification

a shoulder rub

a firm hand shake

an unexpected surprise

a home cooked meal with love

dinner and good conversation

a hot shower

a soak in a tub

jacuzzi

rain

first snow

Spring

Fall

Summer

being warm after cold

being cool after heat

 belly laughs

feeling cozy

home

gentleness

understanding

a cleansing cry

hope

Faith

knowing God's love

the miracle of birth

reunions

acceptance

smell of the ocean

roar of the waves

a bird's song

a cat's purr

a dog's cock of the head

puppy breath

baby's scent

lunch with a friend

breakfast

being remembered

feeling special

respect

calm

~~dkb

Take me away Bailey's...take me away...

Still no word on the appraisal.  It is still in under writing... Went to California last Thursday the 6th, and returned home this past Tuesday...

Been a long week since last Friday, when Dad walked out of the nursing home and had a terrible fall....(see other blog, Mystical Journeys, for details)...  I feel emotionally exhausted.  Still can't sleep very well...think I will pour a couple shots of Bailey's into my tea tonight...

I know I have something profound brewing within me...still too tired to reach for it...

Gotta get the PJ's on and go find the bottle of Bailey's....
                                                                                       nite, nite...zzzzzzzz

I have a good feeling...

The appraiser came promptly at 2pm. He was friendly, and talkative. He not only read my long list of upgrades, he THANKED me for it and took it with him! He complimented me on how wonderful our home smelled, how clean it was and how beautiful it was. He told me our spa would count toward our upgrades because it was in ground. He was impressed with our front and rear patios, including the view of the valley below. He commented on everything I showed him.


It was obvious to me, a lot of you were praying/keeping positive thoughts for a good appraisal, because he spent so much time with me and was so complimentary! I really felt like he would give us the best appraisal he could. Thank you everyone for your prayers. He told me he would do his best to give me our results by the Monday after Mother's Day.

I have a good feeling.... :)

The Appraiser cometh...

Got a phone call from the FDIC.  The appraiser will come tomorrow between 2pm and 4pm to appraise the house.  Keep all those fingers crossed....